Both babies are asleep- mine and the borrowed one (the one I nanny) and it's such a miracle that I hate to even utter the words because as soon as I say- whew- one will wake up.
So I'm writing this blog on borrowed time... which it seems is what every mother does with her time once they have more than one child- or a needy 1st one. Either way- it's kind of a crappy way to view it- but there it is- I'm stealing time. That feels more rebellious. :)
I don't know what to write about- the time is so precious, the clock is audibly ticking. I did talk to my good friend Nancy- which was nice- we both had to steal time for it- but it'd been a while since we talked and was totally worth the punishment- although Becca definitely was the harsher judge- Nancy's daughter Becca screamed for the last 2 minutes of the car ride home before she abruptly stopped- leading Nancy to believe she must have stabbed herself. But no- she just decided she was over it. Or maybe she recognized the street home.
Ah- Hunter is awake. Nice 2 hour nap though! Lily is swinging in the chair- which put her back to sleep 3 times- but she really needed a good nap. So she's sleeping a little over an hour now- which is huge. It beats today's previous record of a 20 minute nap and last time's 45 minutes. It feels like cheating- but I think when you have an almost 2 year old and you're nannying for a 2.5 month old- you're allowed to cheat. So cheat I will with the vibrating swing. : )
OK- I'm going to stop stealing time. Maybe I'll write later tonight- but most likely not. : )
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Ants
There are ants on my kitchen counter- those little sugar ants. And it makes me literally want to dismantle the kitchen. Never mind the fact that these little critters are simply heading towards a food source, telling their friends and enjoying a ready-supply survival kit. Never mind that I am a gazillion times their size. Never mind that I can simply contain their food source and spray some stuff into their nooks and crannies and be rid of them. I feel personally attacked. We never had ant problems before- why now? We don't always immediately clean the dishes- why is it discovered now? What bothers me is that these little ants are like fleas in my shirt- I will feel them imaginarily on me until they are gone- but if I do the deed- then I will really feel them- even dream about them for much longer.
So I'm going to make Jason do it.
Now that that's off my chest. So- a little note to my readers- I am trying to get pregnant- for many good reasons, none of them entirely logical (is it ever?) and I have discovered something about this getting pregnant game. It's just that- a weird game. And depending on how invested or aloof you are- it can drive you crazy or you can be totally unaware that you're playing. When we got pregnant with Hunter (on the second try)- we were surprised- shocked- thought it would take at least 6 months so we weren't even thinking about it. The game was the surprise.
This time around, because we know what we are "capable" of- and because both my sister and sister-in-law are pregnant- there's a little more of an edge... a little competition. The game is no longer surprise- but what the hell does a woman's body do after she has already had a baby- had an IUD and then goes "all natural" except that nothing is the same or feels natural? Let me tell you- and all you men and women need to know this: Having a baby alters the woman's body. One of the coolest things I ever did was have a baby- and it came with a price. Don't let any woman fool you- she is messed up inside if she had a baby... For a good amount of time, our hormones for one thing are completely out of our control- and I never thought I would say this- but we really lose it. The whole birth control thing is a chemical dodging of cliffs and daggers- trying to find the right balance between insanity and sanity- which doesn't exist (remember my post on crazy mothers). All birth control is really about is having a normal head- with the bonus of preventing conception. So- when you want to get pregnant again for said illogical reasons, and you relieve yourself from whatever form of birth control you were on- the "natural" woman comes out. She's freakin insane. There is nothing natural about it. Something about having a baby makes the woman's body absolutely PISSED when she has a period. It takes at least another two or three months for things to start averaging out- unless you get pregnant. If you don't- then you get to enjoy the game of "when do I start." And again- apologies to the male audience- but this is good to know- I promise. Because here's the most hilarious part of the game. God decided to make the symptoms for pregnancy and for periods to be virtually identical. Basically so that you can go crazy before you just start testing- you get to feel stupid, hopeful, cynical, and stupid in one big merry go round. All of this while waiting to bleed. Sorry to be graphic- but how strikingly simple and crude is that? That's the game. Do I or don't I. Will I or won't I. If I do- is it for real? If I don't- should I wait a little longer? And your body is like a black hole for secrets- she isn't telling you a damn thing.
So you take 2-3 pregnancy tests a month, you forget you were trying, you calculate sex days, you get pregnant on accident, you take drugs to get pregnant, you take drugs not to get pregnant- and none of it ultimately guarantees you one single thing.
God is soooo funny.
Let's see what else. Oh- the author of that book American Savior is Roland Merullo- no wonder I couldn't remember it.
I really am antsy tonight.
So I'm going to make Jason do it.
Now that that's off my chest. So- a little note to my readers- I am trying to get pregnant- for many good reasons, none of them entirely logical (is it ever?) and I have discovered something about this getting pregnant game. It's just that- a weird game. And depending on how invested or aloof you are- it can drive you crazy or you can be totally unaware that you're playing. When we got pregnant with Hunter (on the second try)- we were surprised- shocked- thought it would take at least 6 months so we weren't even thinking about it. The game was the surprise.
This time around, because we know what we are "capable" of- and because both my sister and sister-in-law are pregnant- there's a little more of an edge... a little competition. The game is no longer surprise- but what the hell does a woman's body do after she has already had a baby- had an IUD and then goes "all natural" except that nothing is the same or feels natural? Let me tell you- and all you men and women need to know this: Having a baby alters the woman's body. One of the coolest things I ever did was have a baby- and it came with a price. Don't let any woman fool you- she is messed up inside if she had a baby... For a good amount of time, our hormones for one thing are completely out of our control- and I never thought I would say this- but we really lose it. The whole birth control thing is a chemical dodging of cliffs and daggers- trying to find the right balance between insanity and sanity- which doesn't exist (remember my post on crazy mothers). All birth control is really about is having a normal head- with the bonus of preventing conception. So- when you want to get pregnant again for said illogical reasons, and you relieve yourself from whatever form of birth control you were on- the "natural" woman comes out. She's freakin insane. There is nothing natural about it. Something about having a baby makes the woman's body absolutely PISSED when she has a period. It takes at least another two or three months for things to start averaging out- unless you get pregnant. If you don't- then you get to enjoy the game of "when do I start." And again- apologies to the male audience- but this is good to know- I promise. Because here's the most hilarious part of the game. God decided to make the symptoms for pregnancy and for periods to be virtually identical. Basically so that you can go crazy before you just start testing- you get to feel stupid, hopeful, cynical, and stupid in one big merry go round. All of this while waiting to bleed. Sorry to be graphic- but how strikingly simple and crude is that? That's the game. Do I or don't I. Will I or won't I. If I do- is it for real? If I don't- should I wait a little longer? And your body is like a black hole for secrets- she isn't telling you a damn thing.
So you take 2-3 pregnancy tests a month, you forget you were trying, you calculate sex days, you get pregnant on accident, you take drugs to get pregnant, you take drugs not to get pregnant- and none of it ultimately guarantees you one single thing.
God is soooo funny.
Let's see what else. Oh- the author of that book American Savior is Roland Merullo- no wonder I couldn't remember it.
I really am antsy tonight.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Such a slacker
That is me. I don't have great excuses- except that I started a nannying job yesterday, my son woke up coughing this morning- and I'm exhausted and trying not to come down with anything myself (again).
Nannying- not so bad, although it reminds me of how easy we had it with Hunter. Don't get me wrong- this baby is freakin awesome and VERY easy to read. She basically hates having a dirty diaper. That's pretty much the only reason she cries- that and hungry, but I try not to push that envelope too much. The thing that is different about her is that she stays awake. Like- she eats and then is awake- for like an hour or more. If you look through the first three months of Hunter's life- you'll see him sleeping. Through it all. I woke him up to feed him. (On many occasions, so that it became almost a joke- someone in the family would say: "Nehvah wake a sleeeeping BayBee!") Well- I don't have to worry about that with Lily. And with Hunter running around- I'm kind of wondering why people have more than 2 children. It seems physically impossible.
I just finished reading a very interesting book- American Savior- oh and I can't think of the author- I'll get it to you later. It is based on a very clever idea that Jesus comes back as an American and runs for president. His mother is a navajo indian and his dad is some random coal miner. I loved it- probably because I could imagine myself writing the same book. The author did a good job at riding the line between absurd and believable- for minutes it seemed very normal for me that Jesus Christ was running for president and that I should vote for him. The story is "told" by an ex-reporter with insecurity issues who was hand-picked by Jesus to be in charge of security detail. It's just a clever book. I wouldn't lean on it theologically, but I will say it could hold a lot of weight. I kinda wish I had written it. Thanks Jeremy who recommended it!
And... let's see. It's almost 11pm and I really should go to bed.
There is more stuff in my head, but I'm too pooped to write it out. How's that for slackin!?
yea. ok. good night all. The Jesus in my book says love one another- actually- all the Jesus books say that. : )
Nannying- not so bad, although it reminds me of how easy we had it with Hunter. Don't get me wrong- this baby is freakin awesome and VERY easy to read. She basically hates having a dirty diaper. That's pretty much the only reason she cries- that and hungry, but I try not to push that envelope too much. The thing that is different about her is that she stays awake. Like- she eats and then is awake- for like an hour or more. If you look through the first three months of Hunter's life- you'll see him sleeping. Through it all. I woke him up to feed him. (On many occasions, so that it became almost a joke- someone in the family would say: "Nehvah wake a sleeeeping BayBee!") Well- I don't have to worry about that with Lily. And with Hunter running around- I'm kind of wondering why people have more than 2 children. It seems physically impossible.
I just finished reading a very interesting book- American Savior- oh and I can't think of the author- I'll get it to you later. It is based on a very clever idea that Jesus comes back as an American and runs for president. His mother is a navajo indian and his dad is some random coal miner. I loved it- probably because I could imagine myself writing the same book. The author did a good job at riding the line between absurd and believable- for minutes it seemed very normal for me that Jesus Christ was running for president and that I should vote for him. The story is "told" by an ex-reporter with insecurity issues who was hand-picked by Jesus to be in charge of security detail. It's just a clever book. I wouldn't lean on it theologically, but I will say it could hold a lot of weight. I kinda wish I had written it. Thanks Jeremy who recommended it!
And... let's see. It's almost 11pm and I really should go to bed.
There is more stuff in my head, but I'm too pooped to write it out. How's that for slackin!?
yea. ok. good night all. The Jesus in my book says love one another- actually- all the Jesus books say that. : )
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Trains and Tracks!
Hunter says these two words on a regular, repetitive and loud basis. Trains and TRAACKS!
Just now Hunter opened the seat of his big, ridable train and pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste. We've been looking for those. : )
It's the day after my birthday. Jason and I went to dinner and a movie at the drive-in, which was super fun and super-late. We got in around 2am. We can't do that anymore. My amazingly giving husband woke up this morning to a crying baby at 6:30AM (his diaper was a little awry and he was soaked- he usually sleeps an hour later). Not only did husband let me sleep through that- but when I woke up at 8 and then fell back to sleep- he let me. I woke up at 1030am! Jason took Hunter to the playground, put bananas in the dehydrator, and now he's resting... as he should. Hunter is playing with his trains and tracks! We'll do lunch and then I'll put him down and go get the truck that we left at the dealership.
So there's the day in boring detail.
SO- I started this blog yesterday and finished it yesterday- and lost it yesterday. So- it was fun and now it's gone. And now I've lost my train of thought. I am watching a very strange movie now and not folding laundry.
SO I'll call it a rest day- and sorry about the boring post. : )
Just now Hunter opened the seat of his big, ridable train and pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste. We've been looking for those. : )
It's the day after my birthday. Jason and I went to dinner and a movie at the drive-in, which was super fun and super-late. We got in around 2am. We can't do that anymore. My amazingly giving husband woke up this morning to a crying baby at 6:30AM (his diaper was a little awry and he was soaked- he usually sleeps an hour later). Not only did husband let me sleep through that- but when I woke up at 8 and then fell back to sleep- he let me. I woke up at 1030am! Jason took Hunter to the playground, put bananas in the dehydrator, and now he's resting... as he should. Hunter is playing with his trains and tracks! We'll do lunch and then I'll put him down and go get the truck that we left at the dealership.
So there's the day in boring detail.
SO- I started this blog yesterday and finished it yesterday- and lost it yesterday. So- it was fun and now it's gone. And now I've lost my train of thought. I am watching a very strange movie now and not folding laundry.
SO I'll call it a rest day- and sorry about the boring post. : )
Friday, August 6, 2010
Today is my birthday!
da na na na na na....
Or some version of that song. Ok- i have to write quick because I am going on a birthday date soon (yea!).
Quick recap of my birthday:
Bruno pooped on the floor, but...
I had a good morning with Hunter, took the truck to get its oil changed (yes- I'm excited about that), had great conversations with members of my family - I freakin love my family. I get to see my bro and sister in-laws, I am going to a drive-in movie theatre tonight (fun!), I'm drinking a glass of wine (because I can), I got some laundry done (yes- good moods make for efficient Sarah) and.... I think that's it- but it's been a good day! I've been sick so when I woke up this morning and it only took one nose blow to breathe somewhat normally- I was kinda pumped.
Yea for birthdays!
Yea for me!
Thank you God for creating me. Seriously. :)
Or some version of that song. Ok- i have to write quick because I am going on a birthday date soon (yea!).
Quick recap of my birthday:
Bruno pooped on the floor, but...
I had a good morning with Hunter, took the truck to get its oil changed (yes- I'm excited about that), had great conversations with members of my family - I freakin love my family. I get to see my bro and sister in-laws, I am going to a drive-in movie theatre tonight (fun!), I'm drinking a glass of wine (because I can), I got some laundry done (yes- good moods make for efficient Sarah) and.... I think that's it- but it's been a good day! I've been sick so when I woke up this morning and it only took one nose blow to breathe somewhat normally- I was kinda pumped.
Yea for birthdays!
Yea for me!
Thank you God for creating me. Seriously. :)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
All Mothers are Crazy
This is something my sisters and I discovered this past weekend. I revisited the concept yesterday to a critical Jason, but I still stand by it. My sisters and I were sharing in a story about a friend of mine whose mother is crazy. Then we ventured into other crazy mother stories. At last we realized- no one is unaffected. Even now, the crazy mother disease grips my older sister and me. You cannot escape. Think of one mother in your life that you would not be able to assign the words "a little crazy" to. I'll bet you have a hard time coming up with one. Being a mother seems to be the presenting condition for crazy. Name one completely normal mother. You can't.
I'm sick for the second day in a row- but much less so today than yesterday. I can sit up and even blog. Quite an improvement from yesterday. I hate being sick. I feel so useless and on top of that sick. The American culture does not leave much room for being sick- we don't know how to do it. Not that we should want to do it- but I think a lot of us suck at being sick. I'm not horrible at it, but I know a few less guilty thoughts would be appropriate.
I'm trying to put my calendar in place, follow up on emails, check about my finances and make sure all is in order. It could be the sickness or culture shock- but I'm just not feeling so motivated. I'm still caught in la-la land of vocational discernment that I forget that there is a present reality that I need to come to grips with.
In other more positive news, Jason, my husband, is a rock star. He grilled a super-yummy chicken meal yesterday- with bacon and a side salad. He grilled some more meat for tonight and all we'll have to do is microwave it. He made me a yummy sandwich today with asiago cheese on turkey and a side salad. Hunter ate his weight in blueberries and watermelon, and managed to shovel down a good amount of sandwich too. Jason has always been shy about cooking- not because he thinks I should do it, but more because he isn't confident in his ability. He got himself a book on grilling and now has vowed to do dinner twice a week so he can experiment! I think Greg rubbed off on him. Greg and Bronwyn lived here for a month with their cutie Henry (15 month old baby). Greg was chef/waiter/maid for most of the time- he just does it. Joyfully so. Not too shabby. So- Jason learned a few things. Also not too shabby. I like it when Jason gets a kick and runs with it. He's also been using our dehydrator to make stuff like banana chips, dried peppers, etc. This makes for healthy snacks and super flavorful salads. What a man. Meanwhile, he's massaging my head because it hurts. And I did nothing for his birthday. Got to rectify that. I sent him to work during Hunter's nap- hopefully he'll be able to catch up a little (he took yesterday off and this morning bc of my sick). I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be 100% again. Colds in August are silly.
I have a sweet picture of Lucy in my calendar now- Kelly gave me a wallet-sized, although I think it's a little longer than wallet - either way it is perfect and precious and I love looking at it. I need to get one of Hunter and Annie- then I'll have the three sweet faces on my calendar. I can see Kelly in Lucy's eyes. And it isn't a resemblance thing- it's a spirit thing.
Apparently I'm in the rambling mood. I am missing Jessa much too- wishing we could bond some more- like we need to make up for all the years she was a baby sister. Jessa is awesome.
OK- it's time to get back to this present reality I'm avoiding. In the meantime- try to think of a mother that isn't crazy... and I think the disease is easiest to detect in over 45-year olds.
I'm sick for the second day in a row- but much less so today than yesterday. I can sit up and even blog. Quite an improvement from yesterday. I hate being sick. I feel so useless and on top of that sick. The American culture does not leave much room for being sick- we don't know how to do it. Not that we should want to do it- but I think a lot of us suck at being sick. I'm not horrible at it, but I know a few less guilty thoughts would be appropriate.
I'm trying to put my calendar in place, follow up on emails, check about my finances and make sure all is in order. It could be the sickness or culture shock- but I'm just not feeling so motivated. I'm still caught in la-la land of vocational discernment that I forget that there is a present reality that I need to come to grips with.
In other more positive news, Jason, my husband, is a rock star. He grilled a super-yummy chicken meal yesterday- with bacon and a side salad. He grilled some more meat for tonight and all we'll have to do is microwave it. He made me a yummy sandwich today with asiago cheese on turkey and a side salad. Hunter ate his weight in blueberries and watermelon, and managed to shovel down a good amount of sandwich too. Jason has always been shy about cooking- not because he thinks I should do it, but more because he isn't confident in his ability. He got himself a book on grilling and now has vowed to do dinner twice a week so he can experiment! I think Greg rubbed off on him. Greg and Bronwyn lived here for a month with their cutie Henry (15 month old baby). Greg was chef/waiter/maid for most of the time- he just does it. Joyfully so. Not too shabby. So- Jason learned a few things. Also not too shabby. I like it when Jason gets a kick and runs with it. He's also been using our dehydrator to make stuff like banana chips, dried peppers, etc. This makes for healthy snacks and super flavorful salads. What a man. Meanwhile, he's massaging my head because it hurts. And I did nothing for his birthday. Got to rectify that. I sent him to work during Hunter's nap- hopefully he'll be able to catch up a little (he took yesterday off and this morning bc of my sick). I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll be 100% again. Colds in August are silly.
I have a sweet picture of Lucy in my calendar now- Kelly gave me a wallet-sized, although I think it's a little longer than wallet - either way it is perfect and precious and I love looking at it. I need to get one of Hunter and Annie- then I'll have the three sweet faces on my calendar. I can see Kelly in Lucy's eyes. And it isn't a resemblance thing- it's a spirit thing.
Apparently I'm in the rambling mood. I am missing Jessa much too- wishing we could bond some more- like we need to make up for all the years she was a baby sister. Jessa is awesome.
OK- it's time to get back to this present reality I'm avoiding. In the meantime- try to think of a mother that isn't crazy... and I think the disease is easiest to detect in over 45-year olds.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Home, for real
I'm home. And solidly so this time. No big trip in the near future. No exotic plans, no parties, nothing. And I'm kind of ok with that. Even right now I feel a little peace. Hunter is napping and the house is quiet. Our Grandfather's clock that Grandmother gave me is chiming the hour and things are busy outside. But in here, quietness save the soothing clock chimes.
Our guests of the month left today- they were wonderful guests- I'm sure they're ready to be home. We'll miss their fabulous tendency to do all the dishes for us. I will admit though- I'm excited about not having to worry about walking down the hall naked. : )
Sister weekend was nice and therapeutic. Lots of bonding and eating. I'm going to have to skip a week's worth of meals to make up for the eating we did. I won't- but it would be nice if that worked. It was funny for me, because I would have been content if we stayed huddled on the bed all weekend, talking, laughing, analyzing, giggling, and drinking wine. We kind of did that all weekend- with a few trips out to eat and shop. I think Kelly and Jessa needed to get out of the hotel room- and I probably did too- but I didn't need to get out that badly. :) It is fun to be three sisters- each very different and yet with so man similarities. The best part of this trip was that we were more connected, on the same plane. Jessa is an adult, and of course she is- but this might have been the first sister gathering where she felt like one.
I need to take the truck for a oil change, clean up the house a bit, organize the finances (I haven't really looked at everything since before the Florida trip) and figure out the little projects Jason and I want to work on over the next couple of months. I need to get the baby stuff out, fill my calendar with new dates and put Hunter's birthday party on the calendar. I need to read my sister's loaned 1-2-3 magic book so I can get Hunter's but in gear. I need to plan out when to go to the make-up yoga sessions.
But right now- Hunter is fussing. He didn't take a very long nap- so I'm not quite sure what woke him up... and he is crying- which means he didn't get the kind of sleep he needed. Life with a toddler is no walk in the park. ok- gotta go.
Our guests of the month left today- they were wonderful guests- I'm sure they're ready to be home. We'll miss their fabulous tendency to do all the dishes for us. I will admit though- I'm excited about not having to worry about walking down the hall naked. : )
Sister weekend was nice and therapeutic. Lots of bonding and eating. I'm going to have to skip a week's worth of meals to make up for the eating we did. I won't- but it would be nice if that worked. It was funny for me, because I would have been content if we stayed huddled on the bed all weekend, talking, laughing, analyzing, giggling, and drinking wine. We kind of did that all weekend- with a few trips out to eat and shop. I think Kelly and Jessa needed to get out of the hotel room- and I probably did too- but I didn't need to get out that badly. :) It is fun to be three sisters- each very different and yet with so man similarities. The best part of this trip was that we were more connected, on the same plane. Jessa is an adult, and of course she is- but this might have been the first sister gathering where she felt like one.
I need to take the truck for a oil change, clean up the house a bit, organize the finances (I haven't really looked at everything since before the Florida trip) and figure out the little projects Jason and I want to work on over the next couple of months. I need to get the baby stuff out, fill my calendar with new dates and put Hunter's birthday party on the calendar. I need to read my sister's loaned 1-2-3 magic book so I can get Hunter's but in gear. I need to plan out when to go to the make-up yoga sessions.
But right now- Hunter is fussing. He didn't take a very long nap- so I'm not quite sure what woke him up... and he is crying- which means he didn't get the kind of sleep he needed. Life with a toddler is no walk in the park. ok- gotta go.
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