Job Bullshit

I've just eaten my 4th peppermint patty (the smaller kind) and I have about 30 minutes to get ready to go to a boy scout banquet.

There are some things in my life right now that seem just a bit off, odd, or - well- obligatory. I love my job, I'll say that before I complain. What I don't love is job bullshit. Every work place has it- mine is considerably less inundated with it than the average "office space" corporation. Church work comes with its own species of bullshit, and I'm skilled at avoiding it, but every now and then- it bites me in the butt.

I have recently had a triangulating conversation and email about how I've kept track of my hours for the 2 years I've been working at this church. I won't go into the nitty gritty details, but let's just say person A told me person B doesn't like how I've been doing it- and so they're going to go and retroactively calculate my leave time according to their new method- 2 years into the process. I call this bullshit. And I'm going to talk to person B who should have talked to me to begin with - and politely explain my bullshit theory.

All that to say- I hate working for money. I am actually serious. I would much rather have some sort of income not dependant on my job/etc- say- be independantly wealthy- and then volunteer. You see volunteers always are good. Whatever they do- is more than what they had to- so they can't disappoint. Generally speaking, I will say I've seen some disappointing volunteers- but I am not one to over-committ myself.

So I guess I need to write my book, be the next JK Rowling (who am I kidding?) or something- fix this situation so that I can volunteer and garden for the hell of it- not for money- and not so someone can count my hours.

Surely there is a place for me- a place where I do not have to worry about bringing in enough money for the family, a place where I don't have to feel guilty about the fact that my intolerance of job bullshit is what's keeping me from a good ol' government job 40 hours a week that would pay for some health insurance, as opposed to the church insurance that spits on our medical bills and hopes their saliva might bring the numbers down a bit.

All of us intolerant ones- unite, we may be poor- but we have our integrity.

ha.

Working from Home

I'm about to leave work (yes, I'm currently very productive at work), to go "work from home." Now this is a fuzzy phrase. It means "I'm not getting anything done here, so I may as well go home and fake it there." The hilarious concept that I might actually get MORE work done at home is.... well- um- hilarious.

Anyway. I truly believe it this time though, the flourescent lights, harsh desk, flow of irrelevant emails and guilt-trips every time I find one I accidentally ignored- are way too much for this easily distracted person. I don't have ADD- I think it's more the ability to completely forget what one was doing only two seconds before. I have.... dementia? Sometimes I think I do. More on that later.

As I'm here at work, I'm blogging, counting how many hours I've worked, working out my New Year's resolution, working out creative ways to trick the church into being more energy efficient, and making all social plans for 2008. So far- all those things are going well. What I need to be doing is calling people, copying random things, calling people, and calling people. That's about it. Oh and organizing my files. So I can call more people (with better information). I really love my job: Coordinator of Congregational Care. It is perfect for me- but sometimes I feel like a kid with every finger stuck in a different piece of candy.... which to eat first? By the time I'm on the 10th candy, I forget candy #1 needs more attention, then I discover I have candy in my pockets, too!

weird analogy.

So- I'm going home. To get more done.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

"Live simply so that others may simply live"

I can't remember where this quote first originates from- but it has been haunting me. Especially in this Christmas season when I find myself turning into a little green giant, craving new clothes, new gadgets, new something to put somewhere and feel pretty.

The part of me that hasn't turned green is more of a bluish-pink color. I'm ashamed and sad that I cannot live up to this calling of simplicity. I guess it is a calling. It's almost an innate need. I feel my soul getting excited about less clutter and less items and less less less to worry about in my life. The problem is: I love decorating. I love looking nice. I love antiques. I feel like just simplifying in certain areas is not really enough. I have NO idea how to start this process of purging myself and my environment of what feels like toxic distractions. I know that I would be happy if I had simplicity- and I would be on the right "path" toward how I want to live in this world. I would be able to be "green" in the right way, blue with serenity, and rosy with hard work.

And don't get me started on the other end of that phrase: "so others may simply live." It sounds so judgmental! Almost like- well- if you'll move a half and inch so I may simply sit, that would be lovely. It's the kind of language my Grandmother uses when she is politely guilt-tripping you. She does it so skillfully, I don't think she even realizes what she's doing. "Oh, I don't want to bother you, I know you are so busy, but it is just so good to even hear your voice. Hopefully you'll have time to come see me sometime. But I don't want to bother you!"

wrenching guilt.

But, that's not why I want to live simply. Not guilt... a calling, a need, a revolutionizing of what it means to "live." What are my standards of living? How do I fight the vacuum of prestige, sucking me into normalcy with trinkets and class? I also like dishes. How many dishes do I need? Apparently, enough to have a 15 person party in every season (seasonal dishes are a need of course).

Help! I am in the bottom, near the drain of a powerful whirlpool, getting sucked through the little holes of classes- if I fit in the right ones- I've become a real woman with real china and a knack for entertaining! I don't want to entertain, I want to welcome. Where do I draw the line?

Oh, and my husband is inflicted with the same green disease. Is there hope for either of us?

Lord- help me live simply so that others may even thrive!

The Wrongest Thing to Do

I just wrote an entire entry on the things that bug me about me. You know when you are in a funk and people tell you to think positively or count your blessings? I think it's a grand idea, but I rarely do it. So I wrote a whole blog on the bad things. I was doing some funky control all to copy and put it somewhere else (a little depressing for a first blog entry) and it disappeared.

So that's nice. All the things that bug me about me are gone. And now I'm going to bed. -but with a promise.... maybe I should say a hope- that I will be writing in this more. All my friends are blogging as a way to keep people in touch. I guess I could do that. So I'll try if people really care to read what I write.

Ok- so coming soon- writing.... about.... me?

-Sarah