Starve

No, Jason and I are not starving with our new vegan diet- although we've barely begun. Instead- we (I should say Jason, since I'm outside blogging) are putting up decorations for the fall. Jason and I enjoy our seasonal decorations. Jason puts them up most of the time because it overwhelms me to think of all the stuff we have in our attic. Anyway- we purchase things on clearance if we really like them (so much for simplifying- which I really do want to do)- so each year there is usually one thing to add to the mix, and we kind of rediscover it as we unpack the boxes. This year's surprise was a collection of blocks in the autumn motif that spelled what we thought was "give thanks." We ran out of letters and then came up with an extra that didn't fit- so we had "--ve tha--s" then the superfluous R that really threw us off. I kept looking for more letters and when I looked up- Jason had arranged the letters to spell "starve"- which really really made us laugh. He had the "h" in his hand and I said- "Harvest!" Which made starve even funnier. Then we made it "stharve" for the lisp. Then at last we changed it to harvest- but entertained the idea of leaving it "starve."

It's good to have a belly, tears rolling laugh every now and then!

Ok, for real this time

I'm going to get back in he saddle again. Remember when I wasn't travelling anymore? Well I meant after the trip to Florida. So- we went to Florida for the last free flight for Hunter. He turned 2 on September 16th- wow! And we will no longer be flying anywhere- because it's too damn expensive.

So- we went to Florida and did all the Florida things: boat ride, beach trip, walk on the pier, ate seafood, pool time, sun time, you name it. It was so nice and relaxing. It was also so different from most of my recent trips to Florida. I didn't realize how many times Hunter and I had made the trek to Florida by ourselves. Until of course Jason noticed all the updates my parents had made on the house, starting 3 years ago. We have all seen each other multiple times, but Jason had not physically been inside my parents house in nearly 3 years. That is pathetic- and it made for such a nice difference this time around. It's nice to vacation with your husband.

Hunter celebrated his 2nd birthday in two places: Palmyra, Va and Palm City, Florida. Not a bad life! The whole Snow family joined together for a labor day weekend birthday celebration- which was super nice. Then my family (parents and Grandmother) joined on Hunter's actual birthday to celebrate. You know what is really nice about all this? It was all very low key. Just a couple presents- no big icing cake (my Mom made almond cake which is super yummy, and Jason's Mom put candles on muffins because we needed to celebrate in the morning before Uncle Mikey left). It was just really chill and nice. Jason and I still need to make our "big purchase" which is simply our fun gift idea for Hunter: a fish. Hunter is obsessed with Nemo lately, and no- we're not getting a clown fish, we're going to get one of those big, pretty beta fishes that require very little care. : )

In other news: Jason and I are going vegan. You read right - V e g a n. Why? Well- why the hell not? But really- it sort of solves a lot of our issues. For example: cholesterol- we both have fairly high cholesterol for young adults- not dangerous medicine high, but it could get that way if we stay on our current path. So apparently cholesterol is only found in animal products/byproducts. So it seems simple enough- avoid that and you'll be in good shape cholesterol-wise. Ok, we need to have more energy- according to almost everything we see and hear- a healthy diet comprised mostly of grains, fruits and vegetables will do that for us. So- ok- these are good to eat. We have been trying to be more environmentally savvy- to include the concept of being good stewards (and consumers) of the earth. So- we all know that the meat industry is a little sketchy with what they feed animals, the antibiotics and all that jazz. I'm not getting preachy- I'm just a little sketched out by the practices. So what should I do if I'm sketched out and want to be a good steward? Either I buy organic/free range meat or I avoid meat altogether. The cheaper option- avoid meat. So- we're going to try it out. We'll cheat, we'll eat a burger at a friend's house, but we're going to try to just set some clear guidelines for how we want to eat. I think it might be easier than we think it will be. Jason will miss milk. I will miss cheese. Those will be our points of cheating occassionally I bet. Better to cheat with milk and cheese than soda and chips! The hardest part: learning new recipes and handling the sure to come ridicule from our families. We're going oh so hippy. But if we lose weight- feel freakin awesome and raise a kid on fruits and veggies- it may not be such a bad thing!

Ok- So Hunter has continued to be back to normal on napping - even with the vacation. So grateful.

I'm still looking for jobs. I have some leads though. I'm still wishing someone else could clean my house (that was the first luxury to go- as much as I talked about it being my sanity and therapy all wrapped up in one... I may want the job mostly so I can go back to this therapy.) I am feeling good about life even though everything is sort of up in the air.

And hopefully I will get back to blogging everyday. Because now I have 10 followers! : )

Gawgeius

That's what the weather is. Gorgeous is too plain. Hunter and I spent nearly two hours playing with cars and balls in the church courtyard. Actually- I did not do much else but sit there and watch the boy play with his own imagination- really fun to see.

And where is the boy now? Sleeping. Like a champ. Another day, another nap, another blog. I'm feeling better today too- so I got all sorts of things done. Deposited a check, looked for jobs, freshened the resume, emailed some contacts etc.

It's really weird being in a place of no power. Let me rephrase that- it's weird being in a place where I need something, rather than where I am offering or giving something. I am emailing these people who are friends, members of the church- letting them know of my job search and asking them to let me know if they know of anything I should be applying for. It feels weird. I'm "networking" with friends and it feels awkward. I really view it as- hey- these people are in positions that give them better knowledge about things that may be helpful to me, I would do the same if the roles were reversed. Not- these people are high up and I need them to get my foot in the door. Awkward- because those two statements could mean the same thing- but I've never seen myself in need of networking to get my foot in the door. What happened to the good old days when you applied for a job- were qualified- they liked you in the interview and so you were hired? You know what happened- nothing. Those days never existed. It's always been about who you know- sometimes it's just a little more subtle. You get into the family business, your church hires you, you move up and down in the company that gave you the first break, you know a friend who lets you know about a certain job opening... you see where I'm going. I guess I just have to remind myself that being aware and reaching out to my social network does not make me a job moocher- it makes me normal. I was just lucky that it was always more subtle for me.

So another day in the life of a mother, nanny, preacher's wife, and most recently- Job seeker.

The spell is broken

The nap strike is tentatively over. Hunter went to sleep today with no complaints, no extra work on my part- like the good ol times. I am simply elated- with my fingers crossed that this doesn't go away.

Here is my unfortunate discovery/worry. I believe the no-nap thing is all about the competition. Let me illustrate. The napping strike began when a certain little someone started coming to my house (Lily)...it continued when Jason and Hunter travelled to his parent's house for a week (and slowly worsened) where... Annie (cousin 3 months his elder) was. Then it peaked at home (back to Lily) and still was a struggle in Nashville (Lucy this time, cousin 4 months younger)...then back to home (lily), back to Jason's parents (annie again). The last 2 days when I have had the easiest time getting the boy to nap- guess who was here? That's right- just Mama. I haven't been feeling awesome and Lily's grandma is in town- so these past couple of days have been just the boy and mama. I've uncovered his secret. He won't sleep if there's someone else who could be getting my attention while he's sleeping. Or something like that. Ridiculous boy.

So the weather. Swift change (of subject and weather)- it is freakin gorgeous outside and I am so excited to go outside and enjoy it (once I feel better). Fall is coming. I am reminded that 2 years ago today was my due date for Hunter- he was a full 6 days late- but I think the weather was getting nicer then too- and I was a full grown whale at that point- grateful for a breeze.

My train of thought is really weird today. Did you know that I am still looking for a job? Yes- shameless plug. I'm seriously going to call my Dad today and see if he's got any fancy work from home jobs in his company (he just got promoted- he should be important enough by now, right?). Not that working from home is a requirement- he just happens to live and work in Florida- and I'd kind of like to continue living in the church parsonage for free up here in Virginia. And stay with my husband, but free house first people.

So- I'm trying to get back into blogging- and now I'm realizing how often I blogged during Hunter's nap. Without it- I've been sort of awful at keeping this up.

I just realized I let Bruno out a while ago and haven't heard his barking in a while. That silence usually means about the same thing it does from any grouping of children from 2-22. Hoping he's still out there and just enjoying the weather...

take care- and keep me in mind when you see the words "hiring" or "paid position" or things like that. : )

I am not missing...

Just not in action... Whew. So to give a few examples of what I've been up to: driving to Nashville and back, driving to the in-laws and back, nannying, nannying, and sleeping. When I can. Hunter took a nap at home today for the first time in 3.5 weeks. He was on a nap strike. He was tricked into napping at my sisters (singing, rocking, total darkness and a bathroom fan were involved) and he was tricked at Grammy's house (Grammy magic). We tried Grammy magic yesterday- no work. Today by miracle of God and to my greatest pleasure- it worked.

Jason is transitioning back into the fall schedule, which means meetings nearly every night. Joy. On the plus side - I think Hunter is starting to like me. This may seem strange to say- but Jason has been the obvious favorite for quite some time- to the extent that I was really starting to worry about (to steal a word of my older sister's) my attachment to Hunter. Well- lately it's all me at night, and I've been trying to be intentional with the other baby around- although there are definite moments that to me feel like I am totally neglecting the boy- but he has surprised me by being more "mama" oriented. He asks both mama and dada to read, climbs up in both of our laps, etc. Seriously- before- he would be blind to me if Dada were in the room. So I'm feeling encouraged by that.

Quick recap on the job search: shitty. I have been so exhausted with everything and not motivated to look back onine at the big black hole of jobs that are not viable- that the job search is pretty pitiful right now. I know it will turn around, or at least I will get motivated to get back in the saddle again- but at this current second I'm planning ways to become independently wealthy. Not a sure-fire plan, but the most positive one I've come up with. I have a whole week's worth of blogs to write about concerning wants and needs and fears and hopes and dreams and ... yea- when it comes to becoming a working mom. The ideal of somehow having the benefits of being a stay at home mom and having a rewarding career - well- it almost doesn't exist. Now that Hunter likes me- I hate to leave him for 8 hours a day. I do envy my sister, who I am convinced has it perfect. She works 2 days a week as a therapist- she works other hours from home during her daughter's nap and her husband has the baby for one of the days she works. So basically Lucy is in childcare with a Grammy-type lady for 1 day a week. Stay at home meets career. Of course Kelly would have figured it out.

OK- jason's home from his meeting. We're going to go watch an episode of arrested development on netflix instant - because it's fun. : )

Support vs. Investment

My husband and I had a "discussion" on the way home from his parents house tonight (a nice two hour drive). It involved my defining the difference between support and investment. Let's just say I'm getting a little crazy about the job search and general life plans. I go through these phases (not the job search- that is very specific to now, but the life plans)... when I come up with the "now", "5 year plan" "10 year plan" and "fantasy never going to happen but wouldn't it be nice plan." My husband is only starting to catch on to my weird ways. With my "help" he will soon learn how to respond. But- I felt this particular distinction between support and investment was something worth mentioning to the general public.

My main frustration occured when a plan I had conversed with my husband about was for lack of better terms- kind of forgotten. It was not completely on purpose or ill-meaning, but it opened the door to this talk. I made the point that support is the general and easy affirmation in the moment of whatever it is that I am saying- that requires no real conversation or memory afterwards. Investment is asking questions, making plans, and remembering to mention them later- hopefully with excitement.

It's simple- but kind of a big deal.

Ok- I need to go to bed, but thought I'd send a little word out there before I get too delinquent in my blogging.

I am Job

I may have titled a blog entry this before- but who cares- this scene from Mrs. Doubtfire still makes me laugh.

SO- the truth is out of the bag, I am looking for a job. Yes, I currently work as a nanny for my dear friend, but I am learning (with the rest of the world) that it just isn't enough. It's not enough pay (not that my friend doesn't love me enough- nanny rates just aren't lucrative), it's pretty tiring and unfortunately, the skills I have from it are lost on the business world. SO- I need to get back in the saddle again- be employed in the great American business system again and get a salary I can count on to pay for the basics and let me make the selfish decision to eat out every now and then without wondering if it means peanut butter and jelly for the next month.

I am realizing a few things. I am really blessed- I know this is odd to say in light of what I just said- but when I feel "poor" and turn my nose up at possibilities like working two wage jobs to fill in the gaps- I realize even then that I am spoiled to even think I have the ability to choose. I may not- but many people focus on survival, when I am hoping to be able to be free from heavy financial stress.

That said- I'm also learning a thing or two about the job market. It really does suck, it really is all who you know, and the unemployment rate probably does not take into account all those looking for jobs that have been stay at home moms or didn't have to work for whatever reason. I need to work. I want to work. I am not alone- and that's actually less comforting.

I am smart, friendly, have many gifts and skills. Most of this does not translate well on paper. I have served as a caregiver for an 88 year old, an infant, and a 2 year old. These don't look that impressive- but I have learned more in those experiences than I ever imagined I could. I can navigate hospital red tape, advocate for patients, have patience, purchase medical equipment, participate in forming a care plan and solve very difficult puzzles. I can do it all and take you out to ice cream.

I have also had "real" jobs- from which I have learned very much. Unfortunately for me- it seems I left the world of responsibility 2 years ago to disappear into a hole (motherhood and companion for Grandmother- which requires no responsibility of course). I was the youth director when a former youth died of leukemia, I assisted two pastors in pastoral care for nearly two years and developed several wonderful caring relationships. I can preach. I can't sing. I can write. I can learn anything on the computer and am willing to try. I don't lie. I don't cheat. It is difficult for me to do something or represent something I'm not proud of - the things that I do care about- I will walk through fire for. I hope for respectful colleagues and supervisors with integrity.

I read (skimmed in the doctor's office) an article that talked about how to create jobs without depending on taxpayer's money. I don't know the politics of that statement- but I'd like to think it was just a grouping of cheap ideas to jumpstart some corners of the economy. One was talking about supporting entrepreneurs. I have to say- I agree with that a bit. I heard from someone how hard it was to get a business loan. I don't know if I have what it takes to be a true entrepreneur- but I've had some good ideas and it would be nice if I felt like it was worth working at least one of them out.

OK- about time for Lily to have a bottle. Back to my day job. : )

So all you folks out there- job seekers, job havers, job givers- let me know how it's treating you. And if you're hiring- be sure to let me know!