Christmas

People ask me if having Hunter makes Christmas more special. It's like asking me if having air makes it easier to breath. Everything in life is more special because of Hunter. I never believed I would be so easily lifted by a little breathy laugh, so joyous with a gummy smile and so giddy about some seriously poopy pants.

Hunter is life animated to me- he's like having rose colored glasses for life. There are certainly frustrating moments and work is still work- but things are changed. Little things don't bother me as much- big things are important and sleep is a luxury I don't mind too terribly badly to give up once in a while.

Now I am waiting for a little girl to arrive in Nashville- and I'm looking forward to seeing my sister experience this craziness they call motherhood. I wonder if she'll experience it like I did or completely different. Will she be overwhelmed and insane at first and not know if she was supposed to cross the mommy line (like me) or will she fall right into it like an old hat? It didn't take me lolng to get comfortable with my new role- but it did take some time. All I know is that single moms are genuine miracles. It is impossible.

Hunter is sleeping now- and I can't help but think of Christmases in the future when he will be so excited about Christmas. I'm excited about experiencing that magic again. This year we are bad Christmas magicians. Tomorrow there will be no gifts, no stockings, nothing. I will make pancakes and we might have some breakfast in bed- but nothing. We are waiting to do Christmas with my family in Nashville on the 30th (pending my niece's arrival date). But Jason and I made a pact not to get each other gifts because we've spent so much on ourselves already this year! We didn't get Hunter anything because he doesn't need anything and he's 3.5 months old. Aren't we terrible? But in some way-our first Christmas as this family will be perfect. It'll be just us- just time spent together with no obligations or worries. We can tell Hunter about why we celebrate, we can tell each other how much we appreciate being together, we can share memories of Christmas' past and scheme about traditions we want to start for our family future.

I recited as much as I could remember from The Night Before Christmas to Hunter tonight- he smiled at me. I love him so much.