The Edges

Experiment- I'm writing sitting on the bed while Hunter is in the exersaucer throwing books over the edge. We'll see how long this lasts...

The edges- thanks to Barbara Brown Taylor (look her up and read her) I have a metaphor and an ally for the place I reside. In Leaving Church, BBT describes a map of the Christian life (and not in the cheesy pathway perspective). She looks at the map as a whole - one giant picture of the landscape of Christian life- and in the center is Mother Church. Mother Church nurtures and protects, comforts and reassures. Mother Church is the hub and the safe place. There is a price to pay to stay at the center, though. Your questions cannot be too inquisitive and your actions not too shaky. Mother Church rests on a firm foundation of tradition and community, and you must pay the price to preserve it- for the good of all. Outside the doors of Mother Earth is the outside, the fringe, all the way to the edges of the map. These places are outside the comfort, community, and most of all, the protection of the church. In fact- once you find yourself outside the walls of Mother Church, you may find yourself to be the one that she protects her children from. You are in the wilderness and it is a scary place, a sketchy community, and things might eat you. And your Mom's cell phone isn't working.

This is where I have been for over 5 years. Like BBT- I love Mother Church- I have been fed and nurtured by her, I have grown under her care and I have even had the privilege to feed others while under her tutelage. Somehow I got lost and found myself on the edges of the map- longing for Mother Church- but until now I didn't think about the fact that the edge is just what I needed. I thought the edge was a banishment- now I'm trying to think of it as a Spiritual hideout. The problem with this metaphor (and really it's not BBT's problem) is that for one- it's true- and that means that Mother Church does not do wilderness excursions. Usually. Maybe it's impossible, but let me explain.

The last time I felt certain of the presence of God in my daily life was ... Auburn circa 2000. I was attending Auburn First Baptist Church- the best Mother Church I've had the privilege of being a part of (in terms of being fed). I grew and ate til I was full. Then, I had a wilderness guide and partner in my friend Cliff. I learned more about God through conversations with him and his perspective as a pagan than I did in any bible study. Then I had my field guide, someone who was gifted enough to have the keys to the Church and know the paths to the edges and back- Alica. This was fullness. This was my cake and eating it too. Now I have been banned to the edge with no partner, kicked out of the Church with no key, and lost with no guide.

Is this the edge of the edge? Must I now learn to make a fire and find God? How do I use this metaphor to transform my understanding of my daily, mundane life? Is it really possible for me to survive in the wilderness when I love and need Mother Church so much? BBT's metaphor speaks especially to me as she reflects on her leadership and role in the Church- how she couldn't do certain things or say certain things because of her power and place. I was no pastor- but I was on staff, I am a pastor's wife.

thoughts to ponder...