I don't care who you are, where you came from, what you believe, how you feel about anything, or what your IQ or class or color or anything is. Here's the common denominator: we're human. Period. If your life matters- then so does every other human. Period. Let's start there. Let's not leave it.
Right now I need you to understand two things: 1) You are human. 2) You are capable of being awful.
(In all the "you's" I include myself.)
When you see some horrible person who did horrible things get arrested and you write in the comment section: "I hope they burn in hell!" or "they deserve to be tortured!" Then you're wrong, bad, and not helping. I'm not sorry. I mean it. I'm tired of it. If you want some horrible person to be ripped into shreds- then you are just as capable as they are to do horrible things and therefore you can't separate yourself from them as better. Done, full stop. So stop. You don't get to feel superior, you don't get to put yourself higher.
If you see someone suffering and decide that your comfort is more important, you are wrong, bad, and not helping. You do not get to use an ethics calculator to configure something where someone is less important than you are. What you have in your hand is not an ethics calculator but a selfish justification machine that is focused on you.
We all draw a line around ourselves and our family and say: first these guys. I get it. I do it, we all do it, that's how it is to be human. However, all of the major religions and moral mandates on earth right now basically ask humans to evolve and expand that line, or at the very least don't hurt people outside the line. Jesus told some dude to leave the burying of his father to someone else and follow him. Because they're all our fathers. Jesus also kept calling everyone sons and daughters of God and brothers and sisters. That is one confusing family tree. Jesus is my prophet that helps me as I evolve, who is yours? Pick one. Even if it is a rainbow unicorn, as long as you've got the golden rule in there somewhere- I really don't care. It's a start and we'll work out the logistics later.
Here's the thing: boundaries matter. I'm not letting Creepy Joe sleep on the floor in my kids room. I get it. I'm also not asking Creepy Joe to sleep outside in the freezing rain. If go back to our common denominator: we're human - then my first and last priority is that Creepy Joe gets the same basic human rights as my kids. Creepy Joe should be able to survive. We can honestly just stop at that basic level for me to argue my point. I do not know why this is difficult.
If you want to beat people, burn them, torture them, leave them to their own demise, etc etc- then YOU ARE CAPABLE OF EVIL. SO let's stop feeling so damned special about ourselves, shall we?
It is not complicated, if you see a human who is hurting and say "Meh" then you are not always a nice person and fully arrived. ALL OF US HAVE DONE THIS. I have seen a homeless dude and let myself not worry about it. I have seen crying babies on the TV and changed the channel. It's overwhelming all the hurt and awful that is out there and knocking folks down left and right. It's overwhelming all the ways a person can make crappy choices and find themselves in a really bad place. It's overwhelming how sometimes you can just be born in the wrong fucking place and that means that poof- your life is misery.
What am I trying to say? That the ONLY thing we should be trying to do is be better. BE BETTER. Start somewhere! Don't call for someone to be tortured. Don't ask someone to shove it up their ass. BE A NICE HUMAN. When you see someone being a mean human- say NO. When you can actually do something to help- HELP. When you need a boundary, make sure that boundary doesn't kill someone or keep someone from being as human as you are. When you see someone else helping other people, at least get out of the way if you aren't going to join in. If you need time before you can see a human as a human- actually work on it by TALKING to them.
Just BE NICE PEOPLE!
Do you know what will change the world and make it a shiny happy place if we don't annihilate ourselves? Relationships. Broadening the circle. Seriously. I could sit outside and poop facts on my lawn all day and it won't make a single difference. Facts are ammunition, but the weapon is people. I can talk words all day until I am blue in the face but it won't make a difference. Words are magic, but the wizard is people. People are pains in the asses and fun and terrifying and the only way that we will have a CIVILization is to... wait for it... be civil with each other. We cannot coexist if we ignore that others exist. It's that simple.
So let's get off our high or low horses and go meet people. No excuses. I'm an introvert and I hate crowds and I hate cooking. But I have invited people over for dinner because it matters. (If I've invited you to dinner, I don't hate cooking THAT much and a family isn't a crowd to me.)
It's important for you to find a safe place to learn and grow and be with people like you so that you have a space to be able to let all those muscles relax. It is also EQUALLY important that you go places where you don't feel safe or comfortable and people are not like you so that you can learn how to relax when it isn't easy.
I cannot emphasize this enough: the solution is RELATIONSHIPS! Because here is what I suspect will happen: when you talk and mingle and eat and sit next to people who are not like you, you will discover at least ONE thing: that person is a human. That discovery in your soul will shift you. You may not like it at first, but dammit you will maybe actually start to change your mind about something. I have experienced this first hand. And you know what? I thank GOD every day that I sat next down to that gay pagan guy. I thank GOD every day that I sat down next to that straight-laced Christian girl. I thank GOD every day I sat down next to that ex-convict. I thank GOD every day that I sat down next to that homeless guy. The list goes on.
In my time as a hospice chaplain I was given this insane invitation to walk into people's homes and sit with them while they were dying. DYING. I have NO idea why people would let a stranger into such a sacred and intimate time.... except that I have a hunch about it. People want to connect. They want to know that their time on earth meant something. They want to share themselves (good, bad, and ugly). They want to be seen as HUMAN. And since I was very adept at hanging out with dying people without treating them like they were some sort of scary thing, they wanted me around. I SAW them. And oh my goodness, they allowed me in. So I saw all sorts of humans. I saw abused wives, manipulative mothers, womanizing men, simple people, educated people, filth and pristine-ness. I saw people from different races, cultures, economic class, religions, and political beliefs. Guess what: they were all HUMAN. And they all deserved the most peaceful death we could foster. They all deserved to have someone sit with them. They all deserved to be SEEN. That was my greatest privilege. To SEE people. The paperwork and corporate meetings and everything else was a means to an end. The best part of my day was when I got to go and be in an uncomfortable situation and find out that it wasn't all that scary after all.
One patient I had was a supporter of our current president. He was a crazy old man from Britain who had amazing stories and strange habits. He told me about his childhood, which was completely enclosed in the framework of war and survival. As a 13 year old, he had a job looking out into the ocean for menacing bubbles that might be signs of a German U-boat. He'd point out the bubbles and then the military would send a storm of fire towards the U-boat or the unfortunate sea creature that made the bubbles. Is this story true? I have no idea, but he told it to me- so in his memory- it was real. You know what else happened? When this man was transitioning (a hospice lingo for that time before someone is actively dying)- he spoke to me about a certain composer and how no one made music like that. I found it on my phone, turned it up and we listened to a forty-five minute concert. This man's face was light! Radiance around him as the joy of hearing this music filled him. His hands moved around him as he encouraged the music on and felt the emotion of sound. His eyes were closed but streaming with tears. Pure joy. You know what? That man was not like me in so so many ways, but I held his hand as he cried tears of joy while we enjoyed the same music. I listened to his stories and understood why he would fear an enemy, as his whole life had been framed by fear of the enemy. (And remember that enemy was not so far from wiping out his country, and certainly tried.) Did I disagree with him? Of course! Was he human? Yes. Could I be in the same room with him? I couldn't wait, and I cried when he died.
Relationships. DO something about them. Make it a point to talk to someone not like you at least once a week. Go ride a bus or something. Go to a church and talk to a crochety old lady. Go to the homeless shelter and believe every word someone tells you, even if you think it is all lies- so that person can feel heard. Go to a hospital and ask to visit someone who has no family. Go to a school and read to a kid. Step outside of your bubble and make relationships. Go greet people at the local Mosque before their prayer service on Friday night. Go to a synagogue and enjoy a service. Go do yoga with some buddhists. If you can't get out- then start reading books by people not like you. Watch movies about people not like you. Find a pen pal - writing letters is super fun.
DO SOMETHING TO BE NICE.
Here's the thing: some people will be mean and rude and annoying or annoyed in response. Some people will be kind and amazing and wonderful. You will be surprised at how it will shake out. But the response is not why you're doing it. It is YOU we are working on. YOU need the evolution. If someone isn't super excited that YOU decided they were humans worth talking to today, that is OK. YOU needed to know they were humans worth talking to.
This is not the last thing you will need to do if we want world peace. But by golly it should be the first and consistent thing you do. Don't stoop below it. Don't justify being a jerk. Don't tell lies about people because you hate them. Don't ignore someone- say hello and at least talk about the weather- everyone can get behind a good weather report.
In summary: 1) We are all Human. 2) Be Nice.
This is ground zero of "how to have civilization."
Start there. Build relationships and see what happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment