Troy Davis Case

This has been one of those stories that keeps popping up in my face lately, and I kept pushing it aside because I was honestly a little bewildered at all the attention it was getting. Surely there are multiple people who get executed in cases that are a bit wishy-washy (and in light of this story's gained interest, more of those stories are coming out). Let's get the first thing out of the way: I don't think he should be executed. However, all the media attention and my reaction to it made me pause. Why was I so weird about it? I'm a peace-loving, people-redeeming kind of gal. What was my hesitance?

I think it is multi-faceted, but the bottom line is, I hadn't decided in my head and heart if I believed in capital punishment. I mean, really, why did I never process it out? Because I was never affected by it. Do YOU know anyone about to be put to death? I would guess for the majority it's no. So here is Troy's face staring at me from all the news articles and I realized I needed to have a little discussion with myself. It didn't take long for me to discover that as a human, as a Christian, as a logical thinker, I couldn't support capital punishment. I used two different angles to come to this conclusion. As a student of philosophy (yes- I got THAT *employable* degree)- I have learned that it is pretty difficult to find black and white. The justice system asks for a tall order when we only convict when sure beyond a reasonable doubt of guilt. When it comes to killing a person- I think the only doubt should be theories of unicorn intervention or alternate universes. So logically, it is nearly impossible (in my opinion) to be THAT sure. As a Christian and really as a human who cares, I believe killing is wrong. Period. It doesn't redeem things. It solves things sometimes, but I'm for redemption. That may seem naive, but I believe it is the way of the Kingdom of God. So logic won't ever hand us a clean black or white for the justice system to convict with intent to punish by death, and faith and common humanity does not allow me to take or condone taking the life of another.

I think the thing that stood in the way for me to make these moral judgments was that I was focused on whether Troy was indeed guilty or not. There is this looming shadow of doubt, for sure, but it's all a little fishy. Chances are the truth lies somewhere in the middle of total guilt and total innocence. When I stepped back from this dialogue of guilt I realized that it didn't matter if I thought he was all the way guilty or not. In terms of the legal system requiring that accused be guilty beyond reasonable doubt- it seems obvious that this is not the case for Troy Davis. However, I bet Troy did something wrong. I bet he did a lot of somethings wrong. This is most likely the stumbling block for those who favor his execution. That, and he's black. Very unfortunate for him.

This was the second sort of epiphany for me. Race issues keep popping up discreetly and not-so-discreetly. I firmly believe that being black was a hazard to this man's sentencing. I have to remind myself of the context of time and how very recent the civil rights movement began... and even how recent the emancipation of slaves began. This history is not so far away and to ignore the ramifications of that is to be .... um.... ignorant. I don't know what else can be said on this except to pray that God help us all. Redeem the minds warped by history that have flashes of violence and mistrust when they see someone of color walking along the street. Redeem our society that trains by expectations and poverty for those same people of color to be self-fulfilled prophecies. It is injustice compounded.

So, Troy Davis- I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to care about your case. I'm sorry that the justice system is flawed and that you happen to have the worse case scenario when it comes to being screwed by the system. And I pray for all of us that we may be continually redeemed by the God of grace, mercy, and love.

Focused

This is hopefully going to be a short, focused post.

I was chatting with a preschool Mom the other day about the normal things that you would expect preschool Moms to chat about. We were cliche in every way (potty training, how awesome we think our kids are, etc). I felt a quick connection with this woman, she seemed to value and struggle with similar things. We talked about the female "have it all" myth- that you can have a career, children, social life, etc. You can have it all! No. No you can't. Something's going to give at various points and you have to learn to be a master juggler and either be the bearer of great guilt or an oblivious person. The part that made me feel better about someone else sharing this same struggle- was that this woman is bad-ass. I mean- she used to work in a prison, she now works in foreign politics and is no stranger to governments collapsing around her. SHE struggles, and she's freakin Jane Bond.

Something she said to me really stuck. She said that when she comes home from work she is laser focused on her kids. She- Jane Bond, would rather stay home with the kids. But as it is this world, not working is often not a viable option. So she is focused. I realized that as a stay-at-home Mom, because I am with my children all the time, I can fall into the trap of not focusing. If the kids are happy, who am I to intervene and try to do some fancy activity or play in their make-believe world? I will say that I am a big fan of relaxed parenting and self-awareness, so I'm not going to start doing arts and crafts with my kid unless it really makes sense. And independent play is good. But yesterday Hunter and I spent the entire day outside. Playing. Genuinely playing. I was focused on him. It was really great. Of course the weather is gorgeous, and that helps. I was exhausted at the end of the day- but this time from play and running around rather than emotional drainage from whining (don't get me wrong- whining occurred, but it's harder to whine when Mommy is rolling around in the grass with you). Graham gets my focus when I nurse him and Lord knows Hunter talks to him enough for him to feel super loved. I need to be even more intentional about those moments with him.

This is my job, I've claimed it, I'm down with it. I'm even doing play-dates for crying out loud. So my new friend has just provided some continuing education for me. Thanks to her. So here's to another focused, energy-sapping but connection-rich day.

Love Thy Neighbor

Today is a pervasive date. September 11th. It is astonishing how a simple recitation of a date can elicit such strong emotions. I have purposely avoided watching the news, reading all the patriotic articles, and viewing the clips posted on facebook. Mainly because I kind of wanted to avoid the pervasiveness of this date. My stupid strategy for fighting all the strong emotions from this day was to avoid it. Generally that's a bad policy, but it works a little too well for me.

Yesterday I was with my in-laws and they had the news on (can't exactly tell your in-laws to turn off the news). I was struck with the images flashing in front of my eyes again. I made it a point not to dwell on the pictures of destruction soon after the attacks of 9/11. I think in terms of my soul, that was a good idea. Seeing the images again, it still felt like it did that day: surreal. I finally allowed myself to look at a link that depicted images of service dogs who were still alive today and had been part of the search and rescue team.

Then there are the posts on facebook, many patriotic, many honoring those who served on that day and in the military since then. None of this really resonates with me. Not because I don't remember and honor and bless all of those who serve and who have lost their lives- hear me- I do. What doesn't sit well is that this day of drastic human tragedy has resulted in a focus on patriotism and justification for war. I don't believe this to be the universal truth- but it certainly is a large part of how the world turned after this event.

What I have avoided exposing myself to the most are the personal stories of loss. Also the stories of hate. This is what really happened, this is what I remember. This is what hurts. I have an image in my head of a very attractive young woman on the TV screen with tears running down her face and holding a picture of her fiance in the vain hope that he was dazed and confused and waiting to be found. Everything about that image screamed hopes dashed. Dreams dismantled. Future halted. Humanity hating.

What happened after 9/11 was unsettling. Revenge. War. Hate. Stricter borders to keep *them* out. We became far less vulnerable and far more cynical. To most, this was the growing up that America needed to do- we had been ignorant and this was a wake up call that our neighbors hated us. We fought overseas, we fought political wars on our soil, we fought religious wars in the media and in schools and in every sacred place. It was a loss of innocence- but more akin to Adam and Eve eating from the tree of good and evil. We ran amok with our knowledge. We have not had the wisdom to handle it.

When this tragedy descends on me with all the unforgettable moments (as hard as I have tried to avoid the pain)... I recognize that the largest tragedy is that we all have still not learned the only thing Jesus really felt was necessary: Love thy neighbor, and love God. We see an act that loves an ideal at the sacrifice of the neighbor and shows hatred toward God, by invoking God's name in the act- it steps up to a level of blasphemy.... and how do we respond? Loving ourselves and hating their God.

We have stopped up our ears with vague patriotism and developed and infectious hatred for all those who do not look or act American. We have ignored the majority of muslims who live as peaceful and faithful followers of a God who is not historically very separate from the Christian God. In our fear, the loudest and seemingly most influential voices are telling us to hate our neighbor, at least deport them. Hate our neighbor that does not get married like we do. Hate our neighbor that does not worship like we do. Hate our neighbor that does not speak like we do. Hate our neighbor that does not dress like we do.

I'm afraid to post this because I assume it will not go over easy. I am speaking for love. I am trying to be a faithful disciple of Christ. I want evil to lose. Big time lose. We've been fighting evil with a fist, a knife, a gun, a bomb for years and years. I want to think that Jesus might have been trying to say something about a new way to fight. Martin Luther King, Jr caught on to this crazy Jesus idea and lead a revolution that succeeded and can continue to succeed if based on love and not hate.

Hear my heart: I want the kingdom of God to be present here, now. I want my sons to love their neighbors and love their God. I want my country to be leading the world in compassion, grace, and love- starting a revolution of a new kind of power. I know it isn't easy or manageable. You don't see me running for presidency. All I know is that I believe that Jesus was God with us- and I'm inclined to listen.

I remember the day that hate won a battle. I believe that love will win the war.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Matthew 22:37-40