Hearing Aids

My hearing aids cost between 3k-4k EACH. Yes. So when they break, I need to drop up to $8,000 to hear. Typically the payment plans are half now, half upon receipt. I've never been offered anything more generous than that. Hearing aids last on average 5-7 years. If you take really good care of them you might be able to stretch that another year. Towards the end of their life it's like an old car, you try to figure out how many times you need to have them repaired before you just bite the bullet and buy a new pair.

When I have both my hearing aids in I am able to function fairly normally. I can hear most conversation. I still need captions on the television to understand what they are saying. When I see a movie in the theatre (which do not have captions easily accessible), I probably grasp about 40% of the dialogue. Luckily context and special effects round it out. But if it's a cleverly written film, I'll have to catch that on the blu-ray. 

When one hearing aid is in "the shop" for repair- I typically have to wait around a week for it to come back. Sometimes longer. Then I have one hearing aid to hear from. Which means I'm cranky and can't hear shit. I tend to decline social invitations during that time if I can help it, because being somewhere and hearing less than half of what is being said- is quite frustrating. There's a reason we have two ears. Once I finally adjust to my lesser state, I will get my hearing aid back and swear I can hear birds singing in Montana. 

Repairs can cost $50 or $350. You never know. And the warranties run out quick.

I have to change my hearing aid batteries once a week, sometimes I can go a little longer. 

Hearing aids are not water proof. So pool parties as a kid was a nightmare. When do I take the hearing aids out and swim? Do I want to be able to talk to my friends or get in the water? Can I express with enough seriousness that if they push me in the pool as a joke and my hearing aids get wet- they owe me 8 grand? (No- I've never made anyone pay for my hearing aids. Yes- I was pushed in the pool once by my dearest friend who still forgot.) Getting my hair cut with a new stylist is always awkward. I tell them I need to take my hearing aids out when they wash my hair. About 85% try to talk to me while my hearing aids are out. They learn eventually that it is too much work. I don't have the energy to read your lips AND enjoy the once a quarter head massage I get.

When they came out with the in-the-ear headphones as the cool new thing I thought- well shoot. So I take my hearing aids out and turn the volume ALL THE WAY up so I can kinda hear it. Headphones and hearing aids never worked all that great anyway. New hearing aids have bluetooth technology. That technology broke on my hearing aids three years ago. So I'll have to wait till my next pair to have it again.

I take my hearing aids out for a shower. Quiet showers are actually the best. I can't imagine showering in noise. That must be the worst.

I take them out to sleep. If I need to wake up at a certain time and don't have someone in the house waking up with me- I have a special alarm clock. It's called the shake-awake and it vibrates in my pillow. Sort of like waking up to a small earthquake. 

If my husband is out of town and I'm home alone with the children, I sleep with my hearing aids in, which makes the batteries die way faster. It gunks them up because they don't have time to air out. Typically at night I have a little dry-air machine that my hearing aids sleep in (gotta make them last a long time!). If I sleep with my hearing aids in I hear all the little noises at night and lay awake for much of the night trying to figure out what the hell that noise is. I don't sleep well at all.

On the plus side, when I'm not alone, I sleep like a log.

Some people think I'm a snob because I ignore them. They don't realize I didn't hear them at all. I used to be paranoid about this, but it takes a LOT of energy to look around you all the time and make sure you aren't ignoring someone. I now might be a snob, because if I didn't hear you and you are offended, I no longer worry about it. 

As a kid when all the best news and gossip was whispered- I didn't hear a damn word anyone said. Whispering is the worst. It sounds like I've entered a weak wind tunnel. No words- just windy noise. So I was fabulously naive and totally left out of any fun facts that were whispered. I don't think I missed a lot, but I sure hated feeling left out.

Having a disability has never been a huge deal for me. My parents never mentioned that I was limited. In fact, they may have given me too much confidence. I truly believed I could do anything I wanted to. In reality, that's not true, but it hasn't made any difference. I ditched the singer idea a long time ago. My older sister also wears hearing aids, so I had someone like me right in my own house. She and I joked about it and used our impairment to our disadvantage. (When my little sister was a baby and cried loudly- no worries- Hearing aids Out!)

I have a lot of thoughts about what it means to be "disabled." I think my first, gut thought is to just voice how expensive it is to compensate and try to function in the world. I have many deeper thoughts- trust me. But the expense is the nagging thorn that shouldn't even be there. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't hear. What annoys me is how people don't get that health care is kind of a big deal- and not at all a fair enterprise.

Most insurance does not cover the cost of hearing aids. Not even a small percent. Mine certainly does not. I use my flex spending account to help out. Insurance does not cover repairs, anything. All of that is out of pocket expense. I (and my parents) had zero control over whether I can hear or not. But we pay the fine. I try to save money for hearing aids but it's hard. There are some programs for children and elderly to help pay for hearing aids. But as an adult who would not be able to hold a job without hearing aids- there is very little help.

I had a patient in hospice whose daughter in law had one hearing aid. She needed two, but one was all she could afford. Guys, that's like telling someone you only get one contact- do your best. I make it a priority to have both hearing aids because I am really quite deaf. But some people don't have the luxury of making it a priority. Some people didn't have amazing parents. Some people don't have a spouse with a job that pays a fair wage. Some people don't have the education and support to get their own job that can save 8K every 5 years. Some people don't have the cushion I do. So they go without. And they are isolated. And that makes me mad.

And I'm just talking about one little well known disability. My body (between hearing aids and three spinal surgeries) would send the average American to poverty. I was lucky. That's not cool.

So- if you have any questions about hearing aids, please ask me. I'm not hiding them. But don't get them wet ok?