Ok I stopped at 6- here we go... I am thankful for:
7- Good books.
8- Coffee. (have I already mentioned it?)
9- The beautiful sun.
10- My brain. (hours of entertainment in there)
11- The ability to travel to see family.
12- Dinner Delivery. (answered prayer on some days)
13- My health. (this is no small gift)
I'll get deep as the days grow less and I have to start putting people up in here. I like being thankful for the little things though.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Unemployed are Lazy
This is a common judgment made for those who are on the streets or collecting unemployment payments. I don't understand why such a broad (and false) statement gathers so much steam. The Occupy Wall Street movement has stirred up some real conversation. Some of those conversations are more in the form of satire and sarcasm, and the backlash of people who wish to teach the "occupiers" some life lessons is strong. The misconception that unemployed are lazy or un-wise at best is at the heart of most negative responses. I have heard and read these comments lately: "Go get a job!" "I am the 1% of the 99% who work hard and don't whine."
I hear the perspective of those who are frustrated because they work their tail off and don't expect special treatment and make it work. You are to be commended for your hard work. Your wise choices of not being in credit card debt and not losing your house are rewards in themselves. America (et all) screwed up. Things got out of control. Greed is the new black. I get this. When someone who has miles of credit card debt and bad financial decisions wants to be forgiven their debts, it does smack a little of unfairness for me who has always and I mean ALWAYS paid my bills in full. Then I am challenged by the parable Jesus told of the hired hands. Remember that parable?
Matthew 20:1-16
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace; and he said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same. And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, ‘Why are you standing here idle all day?’ They said to him, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard.’ When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.’ When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
This parable reminds me that if I got hired first- I was already lucky. I have a strong back, a clean face. Those hired last are the ones who are old, injured, or plain unlucky. Some might argue that the first ones had good reputations and were hard working and the last ones were lazy and thieves. The scripture does not give us those details. I could counter-argue that the first ones beat the weaker ones down day after day, and the last ones were persistent- standing at that corner for work all day, every day despite their disabilities. The scripture doesn't give us those details either.
Here's the part that the gainfully employed and hard working folks tend to forget... the system favored you. For those that the system did not favor- you lucked out. If you are: not a genius, mentally disabled, physically disabled, not from money, any ethnicity other than white, and a woman, then you will have to work harder. Period. Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you work. Sometimes the cards are stacked too high against you.
I read a post on Facebook that was one of those pictures of a person holding a sheet of paper that tells their short story in relation to the Occupy Wall Street protests: "I am the 99%." This one was a satire in opposition to the movement, here is what it said: "I have a steady job with a regular paycheck, great benefits, and lots of room for promotion. Next year I will be paid to go to college and graduate with a guaranteed position making a decent salary. I am the 1% of the 99% that decided hard work and sacrifice were more prudent than complaining about how life is too hard and I'm not getting any free handouts." The writer appears to be a man named Dustin Franks who was in a US Army military uniform. I applaud his hard work- and his career choice. The military is certainly a good choice in this economic time- if you are able to make the commitment and qualify for the service. My Dad was in the Air Force, and retired a Lt. Colonel. Growing up we did not have the trendy clothes, but we had everything we needed and great medical coverage- we never waited to go to the doctor because we couldn't afford it.
I am ineligible for military service. I am hearing impaired. Our military does not accept disabled people into the service. There are valid arguments on either side of this issue, I don't want to debate it here. I just want to point out that this option is not available to me or any others with a physical disability. I don't want to be in the military, so it does not affect me personally. However, this is the only gig I know that provides all of the things that Mr. Franks listed on his paper. So, no matter how hard I work, I cannot get that opportunity. I could be like Keith Nolan (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/21/keith-nolan-deaf-man-army_n_932465.html) but with a 3 year old and a 6 month old and a husband with a full time job, this would not be prudent.
To those who post responses like these. Please wait. Listen. Watch. You might find that the majority of the folks now who are unemployed are not lazy. Are some of them? Heck yes. Are some military and other gainfully employed civilians lazy? Heck yes. Are there people who went in over their heads with their housing? Yes. Are there some folks who carefully planned it out and still got in over their heads because they lost their jobs and did not have the benefit of family and friends who could help them when their savings ran out? Heck yes. Don't even get me started with the medical bill debts. I have two friends (a married couple) who both have master's degrees, are hard workers and have ONE child. If they didn't have a system of financial support (I'm talking medical insurance coverage + government assistance + family support + church support + freakin HARD work)- they would be on the streets and their daughter would be dead or at least hardly functioning.
Please, don't judge an injustice by the exceptions. Don't be so naive as to assume that hard work is the only reason why you are employed. Are you smart? Not everyone is. The same genes that gave me my hearing disability (unannounced and unprecedented- neither of my parents nor did any of my Grandparents have congenital hearing loss) also gifted me with a high-functioning brain. We lucked out by being stationed near good school systems. My Mom had the will and ability to stay home during the day so that our education was bolstered by a constant family presence at home. My parents were nicely matched in skill so that we almost always had someone who knew the answer to a homework assignment, we did not need to seek or pay for tutoring. My Grandparents managed their money (also a military career) and only had 3 grandchildren- so they were able to pay for our college education. My Dad who had retired from the military after 22 years and a new job as a test pilot, was able to pay for my room and board in college. I went on to grad school where I got a masters with a scholarship, a very part-time job and my parents' financial help. I got married with zero debt, a car and a master's degree. I am currently a stay at home mom. Not exactly bringing home the dough, but certainly saving us some money on childcare cost. I do not kid myself that all my hard work brought me to this place. Sure I work hard. Not as hard as some, but I wouldn't call myself lazy. I would not be here if my Grandfather didn't have excellent luck and strong will (that's an entirely different post), if my Dad wasn't able to "squish" his tall frame in the cockpit to qualify physically as a pilot and make a successful career out of being a test-pilot, if my husband wasn't able and willing to work full time to support his whole family financially, if my husband's job didn't happen to come with benefits such as free housing and a generous congregation that gives you baby gifts and meals. I am not naive- I have a LOT of luck, or blessings, or community, or family. They also happen to be willing and able to help me.
I thank God for my blessings, I work hard to do what I can. My husband works harder than anyone I know. We live frugally and spend wisely. However, I know that without the support I've been given all my life to this day- I would be in a very different place.
I am the 1% of the 99% who has had a lot of things given to me and I don't assume that my hard work is why I got it.
I hear the perspective of those who are frustrated because they work their tail off and don't expect special treatment and make it work. You are to be commended for your hard work. Your wise choices of not being in credit card debt and not losing your house are rewards in themselves. America (et all) screwed up. Things got out of control. Greed is the new black. I get this. When someone who has miles of credit card debt and bad financial decisions wants to be forgiven their debts, it does smack a little of unfairness for me who has always and I mean ALWAYS paid my bills in full. Then I am challenged by the parable Jesus told of the hired hands. Remember that parable?
Matthew 20:1-16
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace; and he said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same. And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, ‘Why are you standing here idle all day?’ They said to him, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard.’ When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.’ When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
This parable reminds me that if I got hired first- I was already lucky. I have a strong back, a clean face. Those hired last are the ones who are old, injured, or plain unlucky. Some might argue that the first ones had good reputations and were hard working and the last ones were lazy and thieves. The scripture does not give us those details. I could counter-argue that the first ones beat the weaker ones down day after day, and the last ones were persistent- standing at that corner for work all day, every day despite their disabilities. The scripture doesn't give us those details either.
Here's the part that the gainfully employed and hard working folks tend to forget... the system favored you. For those that the system did not favor- you lucked out. If you are: not a genius, mentally disabled, physically disabled, not from money, any ethnicity other than white, and a woman, then you will have to work harder. Period. Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you work. Sometimes the cards are stacked too high against you.
I read a post on Facebook that was one of those pictures of a person holding a sheet of paper that tells their short story in relation to the Occupy Wall Street protests: "I am the 99%." This one was a satire in opposition to the movement, here is what it said: "I have a steady job with a regular paycheck, great benefits, and lots of room for promotion. Next year I will be paid to go to college and graduate with a guaranteed position making a decent salary. I am the 1% of the 99% that decided hard work and sacrifice were more prudent than complaining about how life is too hard and I'm not getting any free handouts." The writer appears to be a man named Dustin Franks who was in a US Army military uniform. I applaud his hard work- and his career choice. The military is certainly a good choice in this economic time- if you are able to make the commitment and qualify for the service. My Dad was in the Air Force, and retired a Lt. Colonel. Growing up we did not have the trendy clothes, but we had everything we needed and great medical coverage- we never waited to go to the doctor because we couldn't afford it.
I am ineligible for military service. I am hearing impaired. Our military does not accept disabled people into the service. There are valid arguments on either side of this issue, I don't want to debate it here. I just want to point out that this option is not available to me or any others with a physical disability. I don't want to be in the military, so it does not affect me personally. However, this is the only gig I know that provides all of the things that Mr. Franks listed on his paper. So, no matter how hard I work, I cannot get that opportunity. I could be like Keith Nolan (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/21/keith-nolan-deaf-man-army_n_932465.html) but with a 3 year old and a 6 month old and a husband with a full time job, this would not be prudent.
To those who post responses like these. Please wait. Listen. Watch. You might find that the majority of the folks now who are unemployed are not lazy. Are some of them? Heck yes. Are some military and other gainfully employed civilians lazy? Heck yes. Are there people who went in over their heads with their housing? Yes. Are there some folks who carefully planned it out and still got in over their heads because they lost their jobs and did not have the benefit of family and friends who could help them when their savings ran out? Heck yes. Don't even get me started with the medical bill debts. I have two friends (a married couple) who both have master's degrees, are hard workers and have ONE child. If they didn't have a system of financial support (I'm talking medical insurance coverage + government assistance + family support + church support + freakin HARD work)- they would be on the streets and their daughter would be dead or at least hardly functioning.
Please, don't judge an injustice by the exceptions. Don't be so naive as to assume that hard work is the only reason why you are employed. Are you smart? Not everyone is. The same genes that gave me my hearing disability (unannounced and unprecedented- neither of my parents nor did any of my Grandparents have congenital hearing loss) also gifted me with a high-functioning brain. We lucked out by being stationed near good school systems. My Mom had the will and ability to stay home during the day so that our education was bolstered by a constant family presence at home. My parents were nicely matched in skill so that we almost always had someone who knew the answer to a homework assignment, we did not need to seek or pay for tutoring. My Grandparents managed their money (also a military career) and only had 3 grandchildren- so they were able to pay for our college education. My Dad who had retired from the military after 22 years and a new job as a test pilot, was able to pay for my room and board in college. I went on to grad school where I got a masters with a scholarship, a very part-time job and my parents' financial help. I got married with zero debt, a car and a master's degree. I am currently a stay at home mom. Not exactly bringing home the dough, but certainly saving us some money on childcare cost. I do not kid myself that all my hard work brought me to this place. Sure I work hard. Not as hard as some, but I wouldn't call myself lazy. I would not be here if my Grandfather didn't have excellent luck and strong will (that's an entirely different post), if my Dad wasn't able to "squish" his tall frame in the cockpit to qualify physically as a pilot and make a successful career out of being a test-pilot, if my husband wasn't able and willing to work full time to support his whole family financially, if my husband's job didn't happen to come with benefits such as free housing and a generous congregation that gives you baby gifts and meals. I am not naive- I have a LOT of luck, or blessings, or community, or family. They also happen to be willing and able to help me.
I thank God for my blessings, I work hard to do what I can. My husband works harder than anyone I know. We live frugally and spend wisely. However, I know that without the support I've been given all my life to this day- I would be in a very different place.
I am the 1% of the 99% who has had a lot of things given to me and I don't assume that my hard work is why I got it.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Thankfulness
I have been blessed to read the short and long lists and descriptions of things that many of my friends are thankful for. People have been updating their blogs, Facebook, and twitter with these nuggets of gratitude. I'm digging it. It's a good trend and I'm going to jump on the bandwagon. Because if anyone needs to practice thankfulness, it's me.
So I'm going to start small and inanimate for the first 6 days of November.
I am grateful for:
1) The laundry chute. Oh how I love thee.
2) My iphone. It keeps me connected and efficient.
3) My video baby monitor. As a hearing impaired person, this saves me a lot of attempts to walk quietly and check on a baby.
4) The train table in my room. Hunter has been entertained during countless showers, blogging, or bill-paying on the computer.
5) The baby activity center. Graham has been entertained and safe during those same showers and computer ventures.
6) Automatic bill-payments. Without it, we would have bad credit, guilt and late fees.
I'll try to keep this up. I imagine it'll be in spurts like this one. I'm reading a book (realllllllly slowwwwwly) that has in it a challenge to the readers to keep a short but regular journal of gratitude (5 things a day- just write them down). I haven't started this practice- but like many things I don't do- I think it's a pretty good idea. I'm almost worried at how cheerful and positive I'll get once I start counting my blessings. (I recognize that's ridiculous.)
So I'm going to start small and inanimate for the first 6 days of November.
I am grateful for:
1) The laundry chute. Oh how I love thee.
2) My iphone. It keeps me connected and efficient.
3) My video baby monitor. As a hearing impaired person, this saves me a lot of attempts to walk quietly and check on a baby.
4) The train table in my room. Hunter has been entertained during countless showers, blogging, or bill-paying on the computer.
5) The baby activity center. Graham has been entertained and safe during those same showers and computer ventures.
6) Automatic bill-payments. Without it, we would have bad credit, guilt and late fees.
I'll try to keep this up. I imagine it'll be in spurts like this one. I'm reading a book (realllllllly slowwwwwly) that has in it a challenge to the readers to keep a short but regular journal of gratitude (5 things a day- just write them down). I haven't started this practice- but like many things I don't do- I think it's a pretty good idea. I'm almost worried at how cheerful and positive I'll get once I start counting my blessings. (I recognize that's ridiculous.)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Dreams that are obvious
This is the blog post that I write basically every day without realizing it. Basically everyone has dreams, goals, hopes, aspirations. Some more lofty than others, some more attainable than others, but all are life-giving. When you stop dreaming, you sort of stop.... stagnate. This is a a little of what happened to me when I went through some of my depression issues (compounded by the loss of my Grandmother and the burden of being a Mom and caregiver for my other Grandmother). I got so busy with grief and survival and the well-being of those I cared for, that I kind of forgot about dreaming. I didn't have the energy.
Then I kind of went a little overboard. I climbed out of the ditch of darkness and started running as fast as I could for fear of falling back in. I pursued my dreams of becoming a chaplain, enrolled myself in a unit of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) and completed this internship and education in the last two trimesters of my pregnancy and first 2 months of my son's life. Looking back, I think, what the hell was I thinking?! It was Hard. I did it though, and the sheer completion gives me more confidence now than I've had in a while. Once I saw the light (with a little help from my peer group in the program)- I realized I didn't need to run so hard. I could pursue multiple dreams without discrediting the others. I wanted to be a Mom. One that is home, doing the home thing. Basically I feel that I can do it better than anyone else and I don't make a mint trying to prove otherwise. That, and I genuinely want to be home with the boys.
Of course, I still need the art of dreaming to keep me from stagnating and getting a little stir-crazy. So in my break from my chaplaincy training, I'm finding that the dream that excites me the most right now is writing. I don't even know what that looks like. It's been a foundational dream of mine for ages. I have felt called to various roles in my life, but my heart always falls dreamily back on the art of writing. This is what makes me happy. This is what I steal time to do. This is the scariest, most obvious dream I have. And yet- I ignore it because I don't know what to do with it. So I dabble in blogging, I read others' writing. I get inspired by random articles posted on Facebook. I get annoyed by some articles that have been published and are horrifically written. I get self-conscious about my own style and wonder if I'm making grammatical and spelling errors left and right.
So, what do we do with our obvious dreams? The ones that haunt the back of our minds because while they make us the most happy, they also scare the ever-loving bejeebus out of us. They are often the hardest to accomplish, the vaguest to plan for, and of course they make the least amount of money. Who ever heard of a rich theologian?
Then I kind of went a little overboard. I climbed out of the ditch of darkness and started running as fast as I could for fear of falling back in. I pursued my dreams of becoming a chaplain, enrolled myself in a unit of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) and completed this internship and education in the last two trimesters of my pregnancy and first 2 months of my son's life. Looking back, I think, what the hell was I thinking?! It was Hard. I did it though, and the sheer completion gives me more confidence now than I've had in a while. Once I saw the light (with a little help from my peer group in the program)- I realized I didn't need to run so hard. I could pursue multiple dreams without discrediting the others. I wanted to be a Mom. One that is home, doing the home thing. Basically I feel that I can do it better than anyone else and I don't make a mint trying to prove otherwise. That, and I genuinely want to be home with the boys.
Of course, I still need the art of dreaming to keep me from stagnating and getting a little stir-crazy. So in my break from my chaplaincy training, I'm finding that the dream that excites me the most right now is writing. I don't even know what that looks like. It's been a foundational dream of mine for ages. I have felt called to various roles in my life, but my heart always falls dreamily back on the art of writing. This is what makes me happy. This is what I steal time to do. This is the scariest, most obvious dream I have. And yet- I ignore it because I don't know what to do with it. So I dabble in blogging, I read others' writing. I get inspired by random articles posted on Facebook. I get annoyed by some articles that have been published and are horrifically written. I get self-conscious about my own style and wonder if I'm making grammatical and spelling errors left and right.
So, what do we do with our obvious dreams? The ones that haunt the back of our minds because while they make us the most happy, they also scare the ever-loving bejeebus out of us. They are often the hardest to accomplish, the vaguest to plan for, and of course they make the least amount of money. Who ever heard of a rich theologian?
Observations about Mom-sponsibilities
I feel the need to point out two things that bolster my feminist swingings lately. They both allude to what is generally understood to be what I call the Mom-sponsibilities. Mom-sponsibilities are the responsibilities of Moms that no one else is aware of or accountable to (according to the stereotype- I disagree with Mom-sponsibilities).
I watched a couple episodes of the show "Clean House" by TLC on my Netflix to inspire me and for fun. The host of the show (a female comedienne) did something subtle but annoying, and I'm intrigued to see if she does it again in further episodes. When entering a cluttered home of a couple, the host has twice now said "You have got to be kidding me, ______!" Fill in the blank with- you guessed it- the name of the female. Because obviously, it's her responsibility. Both shows she did this. Keep in mind, both females were not stay at home Moms (not that that should make a difference). But it was clear who the host assumed was responsible for letting the clutter get out of hand. Annoying.
Second thing, our fabulous preschool (which is truly fabulous), has a "Dad Day." This is a nice thing, encouraging dads to come for an hour or so of their children's preschool and playing with them, seeing them in their element. Is there a Mom's day? No. What did I get in Hunter's bag? A flyer reminding Dad how important it is to read to his child. Um. I'm not sure what is more weird- the fact that they assume all the dads are deadbeat, or that they assume all the moms are doing exactly what they should and don't need any special time with their child. Don't get me wrong, I understand what they are doing here, and the stereotypes they are falling into are not always untrue. However, things like this make me feel like we don't give people a chance to be awesome. We just assume Dad never sees his kid and Mom is constantly present. I would have liked a Mom Day. Most people I have shared this with give me a blank stare or some sort of defense for the preschool: "most of the Moms are stay at home, so ..." So what?
Anyway. Just my thoughts. Am I the only one here, or does this strike a chord with anyone else?
I watched a couple episodes of the show "Clean House" by TLC on my Netflix to inspire me and for fun. The host of the show (a female comedienne) did something subtle but annoying, and I'm intrigued to see if she does it again in further episodes. When entering a cluttered home of a couple, the host has twice now said "You have got to be kidding me, ______!" Fill in the blank with- you guessed it- the name of the female. Because obviously, it's her responsibility. Both shows she did this. Keep in mind, both females were not stay at home Moms (not that that should make a difference). But it was clear who the host assumed was responsible for letting the clutter get out of hand. Annoying.
Second thing, our fabulous preschool (which is truly fabulous), has a "Dad Day." This is a nice thing, encouraging dads to come for an hour or so of their children's preschool and playing with them, seeing them in their element. Is there a Mom's day? No. What did I get in Hunter's bag? A flyer reminding Dad how important it is to read to his child. Um. I'm not sure what is more weird- the fact that they assume all the dads are deadbeat, or that they assume all the moms are doing exactly what they should and don't need any special time with their child. Don't get me wrong, I understand what they are doing here, and the stereotypes they are falling into are not always untrue. However, things like this make me feel like we don't give people a chance to be awesome. We just assume Dad never sees his kid and Mom is constantly present. I would have liked a Mom Day. Most people I have shared this with give me a blank stare or some sort of defense for the preschool: "most of the Moms are stay at home, so ..." So what?
Anyway. Just my thoughts. Am I the only one here, or does this strike a chord with anyone else?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
How to raise up boys right... guess #1
I have been thinking about my boys and how I am so glad I have boys (see my previous posts where I am aghast at short and tight outfits for girls). I recognize that having boys does not exclude me from teaching them about women's issues. The problem is: how? How do I raise a boy to respect women, but keep him from getting the snot beat out of him in 3rd grade for being a feminist? I don't think that being a feminist is a bad thing- I just know that especially with young children, subtlety goes much further than anything that may be construed as flat-out brainwashing. So the answer to raising a female-positive-thinking boy is not to verbally explain in great and emphatic detail about how women should be treated and what the world has done wrong. I also can't depend only on the grace and respect that my husband shows towards me every day (which is definitely an example that will hold a lot of sway, don't get me wrong). It has to be deeper, more elementary and involved. More basic and profound. It has to feel like an everyday duh.
I asked out loud to Jason how we could teach our boys to respect females. He said this perfect (I think) answer: make sure they have girls as friends.
This is it. How do we learn to respect others? How do we learn to embrace differences? By engaging in relationship with the others, with the different ones. Of course! I don't need to lecture my boys on women's rights - let their friends do it for me! I don't need to tell my boys that girls don't have to play with kitchens- let the preschool girl get on the floor with my son and rev up those car engines just as loudly as he does. I don't have to explain that girls have dreams that might not fit stereotype, let the girl tell my son she wants to be an astronaut. At age 3, Hunter can learn basics on how to respect women- amazing!
Imagine as the kids grow older. Having a girl as a friend should feel normal and continue to be encouraged. When a girl is going through a tough time, my son can see it from a friends' perspective. Developing and maintaining friendships with a diverse group of kids is probably the best life preparation tool for a child! The next step is figuring out how to encourage that- but I have a feeling it is a little more organic and requires only that I also broaden my spectrum.
This is good. It relieves some of the pressure and I feel like I can relax a little. I'm sure the time will come when I have to have some conversations with my boys about what is appropriate and what is right, but in the meantime- I'm going to trust YOUR strong, independent and wonderful girls to do the groundwork. Meanwhile I will continue to work on my person, engaging myself in the things that fulfill me. I will work on my marriage, working on it in ways that show my boys that relationships are meaningful, uplifting, worth the work and full of joy and mutual respect. I will work on my speech, speaking affirmations for differences and girls and boys.
What do you think?
I asked out loud to Jason how we could teach our boys to respect females. He said this perfect (I think) answer: make sure they have girls as friends.
This is it. How do we learn to respect others? How do we learn to embrace differences? By engaging in relationship with the others, with the different ones. Of course! I don't need to lecture my boys on women's rights - let their friends do it for me! I don't need to tell my boys that girls don't have to play with kitchens- let the preschool girl get on the floor with my son and rev up those car engines just as loudly as he does. I don't have to explain that girls have dreams that might not fit stereotype, let the girl tell my son she wants to be an astronaut. At age 3, Hunter can learn basics on how to respect women- amazing!
Imagine as the kids grow older. Having a girl as a friend should feel normal and continue to be encouraged. When a girl is going through a tough time, my son can see it from a friends' perspective. Developing and maintaining friendships with a diverse group of kids is probably the best life preparation tool for a child! The next step is figuring out how to encourage that- but I have a feeling it is a little more organic and requires only that I also broaden my spectrum.
This is good. It relieves some of the pressure and I feel like I can relax a little. I'm sure the time will come when I have to have some conversations with my boys about what is appropriate and what is right, but in the meantime- I'm going to trust YOUR strong, independent and wonderful girls to do the groundwork. Meanwhile I will continue to work on my person, engaging myself in the things that fulfill me. I will work on my marriage, working on it in ways that show my boys that relationships are meaningful, uplifting, worth the work and full of joy and mutual respect. I will work on my speech, speaking affirmations for differences and girls and boys.
What do you think?
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