I made an observation today, sort of one of those moments where a few things come together to show you what the world is like from the outside. A little background: I have been an habitual church-goer since grade school. I'm not saying we went every week or the belt was used- just- regular. As I got older I was blessed to have a church that was connecting to me and so I went with more regularity on my own volition. In college I had a hard time finding a church, but when I found one my junior year- you better believe I was there all the time. I LOVE CHURCH.
Fast forward. Seminary it was near impossible to find a church. For me, anyway. I lived in Atlanta so I certainly had no shortage of options. I had every critique and critic throughout history in my mind, so it was very hard to enjoy church or even trust church. I ultimately gave up and tried to attend chapel here and there.
Fast forward. I worked at a church- you would think working there would make you hate it, but I didn't. I love it. I have had two jobs and many ups and downs, but I have loved being a part of this methodist church community where my husband is the associate pastor. I am not even Methodist!
Fast forward. I now have two children and took the necessary and healthy break from most activities, including church, when my boys were born. After each birth, I gave myself about 2 months before I started slowly working my way back in. Now that my youngest is 6 months old, I am back in the thick of things, volunteering and attending worship. It doesn't happen every Sunday and I'm rearranging things so I can get back on track- but we're almost there. Keep in mind, we live across the street. I can leave when the service starts and only miss a couple of announcements. Even still, some days I find it difficult to get myself in worship- especially in the morning (we have an evening service that I currently work childcare for, but I fired myself today so I can get back into worship).
Now- we as church goers/leaders are constantly wondering why people don't commit to come to church. It's Sunday morning- one hour (two if you're really good)- and that's it! Doesn't God deserve that much? When put in those terms, yea, sure- the guilt piles on. However, I witnessed a couple of things Sunday that softened my heart and caused me to think about how we as a church can be reaching out.
Event #1: I dropped my son off at Sunday School (wearing jeans and leaving the baby home, asleep, in the crib- the monitor would almost stretch we're that close). A little boy that my son adores was also being dropped off by his parents, but he was having a hard time letting go of Mommy. (Meanwhile Hunter has completely ditched me for the cars and his crying friend.) I know this family and it hit me- these parents work 5 days a week in the city, with their long commute, they probably get a precious 2 hours with their kids at night each day. Weekends are sacred family time. They live about 15 minutes away. So I thought about it. Most likely the kids got up, they began the process of getting ready (2 kids, 2 adults) and then they have to defrost the car, jump in and drive to the church by 9:20 so they have time to drop off kids and get to church. From potty, showering, dressing, breakfast to the drive- this is easily a 1.5 hour endeavor. They get to church- Mom who would rather stay at home with her kids but can't afford not to work- must suffer the guilt and emotional strain of leaving her sad 3 year old with other people, again. Dad drops older daughter off at Sunday School, maybe thinking that he hasn't had a real conversation with her yet that day. Mom and Dad go to church, hoping to be inspired, enlivened, or at least engaged. They also hope that their kids are enjoying themselves and learning something. This family has actually sacrificed a lot more than I realized, just to be at church for an hour. A worthy sacrifice, yes, and of course no one said that faith was easy or being a part of a community could be done by staying at home. I get all that- but- I kept thinking about that Mom and how I would have been thinking- why the hell am I doing this?! Especially folks who are kind of "trying" the whole church thing out. If that church is not a loving, grace-filled and spirit-filled place- it's really not worth their effort.
Event #2: I read a post on facebook about a family enjoying their lazy morning with their 3 kids. The husband and wife were enjoying some quality time while the children played in the other room. I can't judge them. I was jealous.
SO- here in Northern Virginia when the parents are working so hard they hardly see their kids- if we want to have young families come to church- we better make it worth the trip. How do you balance the reality of families that hardly see one another and the reality that church is a commitment, a bit of a sacrifice? I understand the concept of costly discipleship. I think it's more about standing up for what's right, being willing to put energy into doing good things. Church is really the foundation from which we are to go out and do the costly stuff. Church is the sanctuary. It is the resting place, the gathering, the reservoir, the filling station, the place to be with other people who are on the same road as you are and share the journey - lifting each other up and encouraging one another and learning from one another. If we want people to do the costly discipleship Jesus calls for, we better have some cups of cold water ready for the race. If we want people to turn down a lazy Sunday morning with their family- a sacred time of filling- then we better be very intentional that the church is doing what it should be doing- and surround this struggling family with love and a collective will to do God's work in the world.
Am I making sense? What do you think? Is church "worth" it these days? Do we need to rethink what we're trying to do? If you're not a church-goer - what would compel you to attend church? Why would you come back?
Hi! I saw your post on Nancy Speas Hill's FB, and it hit close to home. I grew up forced to go to a Methodist church and my husband grew up in a family that was discontented with Catholicism. As adults, we tried to go occasionally but never found a church that felt like home. fast forward to life with a special needs child, and church became that much more of a place we had no time or energy to go to. My older son is now 3.5, and my younger is 2.5, and after trying several churches that were not worth it, we finally found one that was. For the first time in my entire life, and in my husband's too, church is not a burden or a place to go to feel less guilty. What makes this church worth it? The people are friendly, but not pushy. We were welcomed but not stalked. My youngest son loves the nursery, and they love him, and my older son sits in the sanctuary with us. What sold us on the church was the congregation's immediate acceptance of my special needs child just the way he is, and of us, just the way we are. You don't find that in every church. So, yes, this church makes it worth it, and thank God he sent us to it right when we needed it!
ReplyDeleteLove it! I love going to church and, for me personally, it makes me feel closer to God and Jesus. However, people worship in their own ways and I think if you can be a good Christian without having to go to church, then why take the time away from your family? It all depends on the individual and how they worship and their relationship with God.
ReplyDeleteI have had a new perspective on this lately, and it is a significant revelation like you had.
ReplyDeleteWe get Ella approximately 48 hours per week. I hate spending 1 of those hours saying, "Stop arguing and put on your shoes, please. Hurry up and brush your teeth; we're going to be late. Come ON, ELLA!" And then she spends another 90 minutes away from us in her own classes.
Don't get me wrong, I love church, too. Immensely. And so does Ella. But when your time with your child is so limited, it's hard. It's hard to let someone else bond with her while we miss out on what she's learning in there. It's hard to put the energy into the process of "getting there" when letting her choose her entire outfit (no matter how horribly matched) and the day's activities would be far less frustrating for all of us.
So now that we have the flexibility to look for a church (because neither of us is currently employed by a church), the factors in why we "like" one over the others are very different. Some of them are pragmatic; I don't want to go to a church 40 minutes away because that's almost 2 more of our precious 48 hours together in the car. I also don't want to go to a church where I'm not being refilled because if it's just something I'm doing for Ella's well-being it makes it easier to stay home - she also needs to be with us.
So I'm looking for a church that understands. I'm looking for a place where Chris and I can be real with the struggles we face parenting from a distance. I'm looking for a place that is going to welcome us - because why would I go if I'm going to be lonely while I'm there? I'm looking for a place where we can engage and settle in to this town so that we will all have friends. I'm looking for a place where Ella gets more than love; she gets an education.
Ultimately, yes it's worth it for us. But choosing the right place for us has been a challenge. No church is perfect, and we don't expect them to be. But we want a place that feels like home.
And that, I believe, is exactly what it should be. It's the church's responsibility to be family to one another - that means offering a cool drink of water, encouragement, challenge, education, and love. It's not about the cup of coffee you have waiting for me, but it sure does make me feel like you care. It's not about the kind of music you play, but about worship that is intentional and rich and creative. It's about being in a place that is full of LIFE and inviting us to join them in that life.
That's what we need in order for church to be worth it to us.