Honesty

I've always said (maybe to myself) that lying is one of pet peeves. It's just annoying- especially when it doesn't involve an ethical dilemma like "Sharon will be put in a concentration camp if you reveal her identity." Obviously there are some exceptions. However, lying just because it's a little easier than telling the truth- it annoys me. I honestly think it's a habit and once you start, it is hard to break. So I'll have a little grace.

All that to say, I am a horrible liar. HORRIBLE. My pet peeve means that I have little to no practice in the art of lying. The game mafia- I usually lose. But just because I am a failure at lying, doesn't mean I have not learned the art of a well-crafted word. Telling an ugly truth can look really pretty, or being completely silent is a handy tool. One of my un-official resolutions for this year is to shed those nuances. I'm not going to completely lose my filter or stop being gracious, but I'm going to try to be more direct. I find that I would hide behind "if it's cool with you, if it's not too much trouble, only if you want to, but don't worry about it."

I'll give you an example. In my asking for help from others during my week-long plague, I started this more direct approach. Instead of beating around the bush and trying to craft my text message in 160 letters or less with all the caveats, I called and said- I'm sick, could you handle an additional 3 year old so I can take a nap? I may have given her an out- but essentially I just spit it out. Another instance was when my 3 year old was playing with a friend in the morning and another friend invited him over in the afternoon. Instead of playing the awkward "we have another date" game- I just asked... would you mind if the other child came (with their caregiver) or would you rather it just be my son? Of course the only way that this whole candid method can work well is if the recipient of my candor feels free to say No. While it's easy to say that it's not my problem whether they can say no or not, I think I can help by saying a clear yes and no here and there. And when they say no- not making it awkward. THEN the relationship is established in which there is no weird "I hope she's not doing this just to be nice and hating on me after I drop off my kid!"

Not too long ago I had the opportunity to meet with a few folks from Germany. My Opa (Grandfather) was from Berlin and has an amazing story. I told a little of it to these folks, and then sort of shyly admitted that I was disappointed that their accents didn't resemble Opa's more. I was hoping to sort of hear him again. We talked about geographical accents, etc. I mentioned that Opa had a sense of pride being from Berlin and speaking "well." They told me (very kindly) that people from Berlin were indeed different and could be seen as a little snooty. I didn't doubt this for a minute. They said it was less the accent and more the mannerisms and social rules. They said that when sitting at a table, people from other places in Germany would be involved in that dance to see who sat where, offering others seats and being polite. A Berliner would say "you sit there." Not to be rude, just frank (and I'm sure they had thought out the entire system of the table and discerned that this was indeed the most favorable spot for said person). As I had plopped myself smack in the middle of the table that night without any dance- I realized- I've got a little Berliner in me.

SO- tell me how it is. Be frank. Be gracious, but be frank. We'll see how this goes. It keeps me much more honest and realistic about what I want and need.