A little Rainbow

I'm feeling a little bit of the rainbow these last few days. I don't know if it's the light box, the release of having my darkness blinded by the light of shared compassion, or if it's just that all the hard work has to pay off at some point... but I'm getting a glimpse of the rainbow. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, I haven't started my own corporation or cleaned my house even. But I am doing things a little easier. The morning step out of bed is a little lighter, quicker, more hopeful. I took a shower the other day and had a distinct feeling of lightness and freshness that transported me back to Florida on a beach summer day. I didn't hold onto it the whole day- but I recognized it. I stood still in it and held it as long as it would last. That feeling - it was a freedom, almost an anticipation of certain joy. I love that feeling. My spirit craves it. It was home. Contentedness. The miracle was that I wasn't near a beach. I wasn't looking outside at a sunny day. I was looking in the mirror, fixing my hair, noticing only the curls forming.

I don't have any one thing to write about- there are plenty of things that are catching my political, social, emotional, moral, everything attention right now.... but I just want to remember that real feeling of contentedness. That happened here. In the winter. As a 30 year old with two kids in a dirty house.

I went to yoga last Thursday (which could be why my back is hurting today)- and something the instructor said in the relaxation segment at the end was very poignant for me. She said (I'm paraphrasing): "Find ways to be uniquely you." It was a pretty simple concept, but she was asking us to rediscover the things that we like and enjoy, pleasure solely for us. For me? Reading. Burning scented candles. Listening to music. Writing.

I have been burning candles every night for nearly a week. I haven't burned so many candles since I was in college. I forgot how much I love candles. We rearranged our furniture to make a play room where the dining room used to be (it actually works awesomely!!) and the moving and rearranging led us to setting things up in the living room very differently. The result? All of my beautiful pieces of glass, random heirlooms, serving pitchers, vases, odds and ends- are all OUT- sparkling by the light of my candles and well-placed lamps. All my favorite things that I usually see when grabbing some necessary serving dish (and think- man- why don't we use these things!?)- they are on display. No longer out of sight out of mind. I don't care if it wouldn't work for a magazine cover. I have brought beauty back into my living space. My stuff. My collections. My idea of beauty. And I love it.

Savoring the taste.