Figured it out- or some nerd somewhere did- Thank you!

Here is my sermon!

Gracious God,
make me sensitive to all the evidence of your goodness;
and may I, trusting in you,
free myself from the terror of death,
and feel free to live intensely and happily
the life you have given me. Amen.

Joy
2 samuel 6:16-22

16 As the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal daughter of Saul looked out of the window, and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart.

17 They brought in the ark of the Lord, and set it in its place, inside the tent that David had pitched for it; and David offered burnt-offerings and offerings of well-being before the Lord. 18When David had finished offering the burnt-offerings and the offerings of well-being, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts, 19and distributed food among all the people, the whole multitude of Israel, both men and women, to each a cake of bread, a portion of meat,* and a cake of raisins. Then all the people went back to their homes.

20 David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, ‘How the king of Israel honoured himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ maids, as any vulgar fellow might shamelessly uncover himself!’ 21David said to Michal, ‘It was before the Lord, who chose me in place of your father and all his household, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord, that I have danced before the Lord. 22I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in my own eyes; but by the maids of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honour.’


Revelation 3:15-16

15 ‘I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. 16So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.





I've got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart. Jesus put it there, and no one else can dare destroy-stroy! Did you sing that as a youth? I remember when we sang it as loud as we could- jumping around- we were acting out the joy of the song. It was so silly- but it really was a joyful time! I feel like it was easier to feel joy then, easier to get caught up in that moment of joy and excitement. It was acceptable to sing your heart out and dance around. I also remember the songs that I connected with the not so joyful times. One song by Lucinda Williams- I heard for the first time with my sister after she had just broken up with Whit the Twit- well- that's what I called him anyway. The chorus went like this: (play song or read words)- You took my joy and I want it back, you took my joy and I want it back... This was a perfect song for the time because Whit really was a twit- he sucked the joy out of my sister's life- making her feel small and unworthy of love. Her joy had been stolen. There are times when we don't feel joyful- but we remember what it felt like- taste it and see it as we search for it to come back. That can be the most frustrating search. The movie Under the Tuscan Sun has this wonderful character who is full of life and words of wisdom. She tells a story of searching as a child for ladybugs, she searched for hours and didn't find a single one. Finally she fell asleep in the field, and when she woke up- the ladybugs were crawling all over her. Joy can be just as elusive when we search for it in the midst of sorrow.

I know it is mother's day and united methodist women's day and I'm standing here talking about joy and sorrow instead of babies and strong women- but if I may make the connection- joy has been on my mind recently as a direct result of babies and strong women. My son Hunter is my absolute favorite person in the world, with my husband Jason as a close second. I am a stay at home mom who spends a lot of time with her baby- so to say that it gets a little tiring after a while is to admit that though I am strong and hear me roar kind of woman- I have moments of absolute exhaustion, who knew that this would take so much energy? However, this exhausting endeavor of motherhood brings me great joy- if I allow myself to embrace and live out those moments. I recently lost a very special strong woman in my life- my Grandmother who we called Memaush, died last November. As I smell her pillows that I brought home from her house- I am filled with the powerful emotions of joyous remembrance and sorrowful grief. I am also helping to care for my Grandmother who lives here in Virginia. She has alzheimer's and though she is struggling with memory loss- it gives me so much joy to watch her sing a tune to Hunter or hold his hand as we cross the street. The combination of these responsibilities and losses and gains in my life have led me ultimately to a point where I need to talk about joy.

I have had the privilege to walk with many of you- if just for a few steps- in your journeys of joy and sorrow. I have cried for your losses and laughed with your joys. I have been to funerals for your loved ones, celebrated the births of your children and grandchildren. I have mourned the loss of your pregnancies, the loss of your friendships and marriages, the loss of your freedoms that come with age, the losses of your spouses and friends. I have celebrated the beginnings of your marriages and the beginnings of new friendships. In this very room- there are hundreds of beautiful life stories with joy and sorrow wrapped up together like a bouqet of flowers. There is a poem that I have shared with some of you in part or whole that I'd like to read now: it is by the author Kahlil Gibran:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
and how else can it be?
the deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

I love this poem. It gives us the perspective that joy and sorrow are not far removed from each other. It helps me to put images to the mystery of the ups and downs in life. It helps me to embrace both the joys and sorrows that surround us. I put this poem right next to the text from Revelation that we read this morning and it helped me understand it a little better. I used to read this scripture as a judgement on being anything but hot. I never understood why cold was better than lukewarm. In my Baptist roots- I was taught to equate these temperature readings with my own fervor for God. God would rather me be an enemy than on the fence, God would rather me be completely loyal than on the fence. It made sense to me that way- and it can still make sense. But after some of my life experiences, and after reading this poem- I wonder if the spirit can lead us down another path with this revelation text. Maybe we can think about hot and cold as joy and sorrow. Maybe we can understand that there will be times in our up and down lives when we will experience both emotions, both temperatures. Maybe God is saying to us: "I desire to be in honest relationship with you so much it hurts- I want you to love one another as yourself, and the mere thought that you would need to hide your life from me or from your community- it makes me sick." Maybe we can go deeper with this text from revelation and make the connection that joy and sorrow are not sinful. Joy is not pride and sorrow is not doubt. God accepts both and in fact wants both. Our joy is our enjoyment, our gratitude for that which we have come to love. Our sorrow is grief over losing that which gave us joy. Maybe in revelation John is speaking God's heart to a community that is being torn by persecution. John is telling the followers of Christ to keep together- keep confessing to each other and to God- confess not just your shortcomings but your joys. Confess not just your victories but your failures. Let this acceptance of the hot and cold give us a new strength to be unified in community. Let us refuse to be lukewarm to one another and to God so that we don't grow distant and complacent. Joy and sorrow are not only connected, but they are connecting for those who share them. What a challenge and necessity it must have been for these communities to band together in these tough times of persecution and fear.

We speak a lot about sorrow and lament in the Lenten season (especially here at Open Doors this lent as we journeyed through the Psalms together). Lent is a perfect time to face our mortality, face our sin, face our sorrow. This confrontation with the darker side of things often results in a little weeping and gnashing of teeth. I don't think that people really get the right image when they hear this phrase- so often coupled with images of the end of the world as we know it. Instead I see it as our best ancient description of expressing sorrow. Physical weeping and gnashing of teeth- it's what happens when you stub your toe on the sharpest corner in your house- absolute agony and astonishment at how much pain your toe could feel. When our souls weep and gnash- it is when we stub our hearts on the sharpest wedge in the universe- and that looks different for everyone.


If Lent is confronting the darker side of ourselves to include our own mortality- then I suppose Lent started for me in November when Memaush died- Thanksgiving was a blur. The funeral was the day after Thanksgiving and Hunter spiked a 102 fever that afternoon. We drove the next day from Florida back home to Virginia. The morning after we arrived home, I got a phone call at 630 in the morning that my other Grandmother was in the hospital. I could barely get up in the morning the pain of everything that had happened burdened me so much. I could barely feel emotion because I had no time to process any of it- no time to even weep and gnash as I explained each day to my Grandmother where she was and why she was there. I had no time to weep when I had to firmly advocate for my grandmother in the hospital and rehab place. I had no time to gnash my teeth when I had to give Hunter a bath with barely enough energy to make it past his bed time. I met sorrow face to face, but I didn't have the energy to do anything with it. In February, Jason and I took a class on the psalms- it was a great space for me to process some of what had happened in the last few months. Our teacher encouraged us to embrace the ugly side of the psalms, the dark sides that wept and gnashed loudly. I needed that- I needed to hear that and I needed to cry. I was depressed- emotion of any sort was sort of unavailable, numbness replaced my grief and exhaustion. Nothing was overly important. I lost my sorrow and my joy in one deep dive off the emotional cliffs. But Lent was a good thing. Through the classes, through support from my husband, family, through counseling and through God's open embrace of all my weeping and gnashing- I found my voice again. My voice was sorrowful but it was better than nothingness, better than being numb. Then came the spring, when the trees bloomed and the sun shone. Then came my sister telling me she was pregnant, then came a few trips to Florida to gather some of Memaush's things and bring them back so that it seems she is always with me. Then came my Grandmother's acceptance to move to Florida to be close to my Dad and Mom. Then came hope. Then at last, like witnessing my first sunrise- came joy. I had been frantically searching for it- and suddenly it just dawned on me- it was crawling all over me and I embraced it. As much we talked in lent about being able to name our sadness, being freed to express our anger and depression within the safety of a church community- I realized we also need to fight for a space to express our joy.

We could take lessons on expression from the great king David. I found David dancing with joy in the Old Testament text of 2 Samuel. Saul's daughter Michal was trying to rain on David's parade, but he didn't let her. He had no apologies for leaping and dancing before the Lord. He had joy before the Lord and showed it. David had reason for joy. David was bringing the ark of the covenant into the holy city of Jerusalem. The ark of the covenant was basically the container of the ten commandments that Moses brought down from Mt. Sinai- thought to be written by God. This was a big deal. The Isaelites had the understanding that where ever the ark was- there was God. God was pretty picky about where his presence would reside. So when David was given permission to bring God home- it was kind of a big deal. Like dancing a little naked in the street big deal.

Can you imagine if a great world leader did that? Just went dancing down the street? The criticism would come from every corner and every side- but I'd like to think I would appreciate it. Can you imagine if someone found a cure for cancer? They should dance- like- a lot. But you know what- I bet they wouldn't get the chance. They'd be too worried with how to reproduce the cure for maximum benefit, they'd be answering questions about side affects, the ethics of the research, the next project- of course once you've cured cancer- inevitably you must cure another disease. This is just a hypothetical situation- but you can see it playing out can't you? Even on a smaller scale this happens: when someone finds out they are getting promoted- they have to keep it down so that no one will think they are boasting. When you find out you are cancer free- you can't get too excited for fear that it'll return. When you find out you are pregnant, depending on your history- you have fear blocking your joy. When you arrive safely home from a vacation- instead of reflecting on the trip or being glad to be home- you start thinking right away about that pesty list of things to do and kick yourself for forgetting to turn the thermostat down. We don't allow ourselves the space to dance for joy. We have had some rough times lately- this world could use some victory dances. Why is expression of joy seen as indecent or irresponsible? Who have we become? Who took our child-like joy? As a mother I can say that there is no lukewarm in children- have you ever noticed that? Through Hunter I have seen joy.

Pure- out there joy. I get to witness it when Hunter sees his Daddy after a day of work- or after 30 seconds of absence. Children are good at joy. It comes easily before the pause of caution and conscious enters the brain. Growing up means losing some of that freedom to be completely abandoned to our emotions. I once heard a comedian talk about what might happen if he behaved like his newborn infant and broke down in tears anytime he didn't get what he wanted. We are taught at a young age that it is inappropriate to be overcome with emotion- and the lesson is understandable, but when is the last time you were just completely and utterly overcome with joy? When is the last time you danced with joy like David? Do we even allow ourselves to feel it like that anymore? I remember moments of childhood when I would swing on the swing set so high I thought if I let go I might just fly to the tops of the trees. I can remember watching the sunlight trickle down through the leaves to warm my face. I had joy- I often sang at the top of my lungs the song from the musical Oklahoma- "oh what a beautiful morning"- and I have a horrible voice! I'm glad I didn't think about who might have heard me. I embraced that joy and expressed it. My question this morning to everyone- including myself is this: Do we have the space, here in this church, to express that deep deep down in our heart kind of joy? When is the last time people in church saw how you were really feeling?

My older sister is a therapist and she has a special interest in counseling children using the method of play therapy. Many children feel freed and safe in a room full of toys and a sandbox- such that they will tell you infinitely more in that setting than any other. The other day she excitedly told me of her office expanding to have a big play room that was devoted entirely to games and toys. A space for children to play and express their true emotions. Adults often lose that safe place. Our playgrounds are abandoned for more proper ways to pass time. Our play room is empty. We often shut out that space to express our joy and play.

We are a cautious people, that is why the Samuel text makes us a little uncomfortable. It's a little awkward. We are taught to think that David is an absolute nutcase when he does the electric slide in front of the whole kingdom... forget his lack of clothing. We are a cautious people, we are taught to mute ourselves, don't draw too much attention to yourself. This is especially an issue for women who are taught not to be too aggressive or domineering. Men are taught not to cry- even tears of joy-because it isn't manly to cry. David- a man after God's own heart- throws his tunic in the face of these muted lives. These gifts of joy are not bottled or manufactured- these are moments that last only in glimpses and flickers. Feel them! Sing them! Smile all the way! Wave all the way! Hug all the way! Cry all the way- let those ugly tears come out and make you look contorted. Embrace the joy and let us feel it with you. Did you get a job promotion when it seems everyone around you is losing their jobs? May God give us the grace to share your joy! Did you just find out you were pregnant when your best friend can't get pregnant? May she wrap you with her tears of joy and sorrow intermingled. Are you depressed and any effort of showing emotion leaves you exhausted? Don't lose hope! You will not be like this forever. You will have joy. Did you spend too much on your flower arrangements for that party? Then you better enjoy those flowers! My Grandmother just confessed to me last week that as the youngest and only girl in her family- she was spoiled. But then she followed it with "But I enjoyed it, if you're going to be spoiled- may as well enjoy it!"

This freedom to have life and live it abundantly is not something God takes lightly. These gifts of joy are not little tokens of appreciation that God gives us for suffering through life. The freedom we are given from easter is not just from sin and death but FOR life. And God wants us to live it! So go ahead and weep and gnash those teeth when you are there in the depths, and when you are the mountain top: shout! Don't mute, don't store it for a more appropriate time- live it.

My Grandmother who died in November, Memaush, was a live and let live kind of woman. She had an opinion about everything- she had no filter and she was loud and gregarious and she smelled wonderful. She told stories and talked about people, she would get attached to characters on soap operas and in her romance novels like they were real people. She joined the red hat society because she loved going out to eat and wearing an obnoxious red hat. She befriended and learned the life story of every nurse in the hospital and rehab and assisted living facility, and lastly the hospice. She told them how she felt and whether it was their fault or not. She squeezed my hand the day she died. I miss her so much. She was real. She had joy and sorrow and we knew it. She taught me to be me and not to apologize for it. So in honor of Memaush- go feel that joy. Embrace it- squeeze someone's hand and give them a big unhindered smile. It's scary being that vulnerable, it's scary dancing in front of a crowd- but at least you won't be lukewarm. Have joy. Amen.