The H was L

So- I had lukewarm heat yesterday. It was fine- I got some stuff done, but two things got in the way of full on ON: 1) Baby- of course, 2) The AC was broken upstairs, which means the heat was actually steadily rising- but not in my ablity to get stuff done, but rather I experienced the slow-down effect that happens when it is muggy hot in your house. I moved in slow motion... which is probably why all schools waste a gazillion dollars a year on the most frigid setting in air conditioning... cold also has the same effect on me- so they lost me either way.

Right now I'm watching Lily in the monitor as she is DEtermined NOT to sleep. She isn't crying (yet) but she's jerking her body around- flailing her feet and knocking her head against the mattress- just in case she may be fooled into going to sleep. These are the times when I wish rational conversation worked on infants: "Sweetheart- you're 2.5 months old- you're supposed to sleep a lot- now would be one of those optimal times to try it out." Or maybe peer pressure: "Lily, dear- every other 2.5 month old is sleeping right now." But no- she has to do it her way- which is very like her mother (it's true, Amanda!). So yea- here I am to coax her into doing the right thing, and writing a blog until she has decided once and for all whether she will listen or not.

Meanwhile the air conditioner was indeed fixed this morning- so the AC is back on upstairs (yea), giving me no excuse to be slow. I was supposed to do dinner with a friend at 5 this afternoon, but she called sick and is taking a rain-check. So now I have the evening (at least until Liz comes over) and no excuses. GOT to get stuff done.

Seriously, she's still squirming. persistent little bugger.

So- the reason I am so determined to get things done is because A) I'm all by myself and it is SO much easier to get things accomplished this way and B) Jason is always Mr. Accomplishment when I leave (of course he gets weekends- but still)... so I feel like I have to live up to these weird expectations that no real person except myself has put on me.

So I think she's asleep. I'm calling it at 11:45. She better sleep longer than 20 minutes. We're in sleep training mood. Well- I am.

So I had a lovely dinner with a friend of mine last night- and it reminded me how simple friendships are really kind of nice and should be nurtured. That seems weird to say- but I grew up in the military so my theory on friendship was/is a little skewed. Basically friends are there in each place and are nice to hang out with and enjoy. When (not if, when) you move- there's a significant chance that you'll lose touch with most of your friends- so it's not really wise to be heavily invested in them. The investment time needs to go towards your family. This is what I was taught- through experience and my parent's repetition that we'll always have our family (sometimes this was seen as a threat). So- I was bad at investing in friendships. I still am. I enjoy hanging out with people- but as an introvert, military brat whose best friends are her husband and two sisters- it's kind of like I have my quota for friends satisfied. BUT- then again- I have those handful of friends that somehow I decided was worth keeping in touch with- and they have been treasures. I have maybe 2-3 friends from college and 2-3 friends from seminary that I am still invested in. And they really are wonderful- and I forget that too easily. So- friendships are worth the time. I won't say that I'm going to go try to invest in 700 new friendships- but it's a perspective I need to hang on to.

My older sister wrote a post on her new blog about attachment (she's a therapist) about this whole concept of the human need to be delighted in. As basic as the need for air and water. I never really thought about it that way before. At the end of her post, she posed the question to her readers: when was the last time you asked to be delighted in, felt delighted in? I think this goes beyond the obvious sexual answer (although that is not a bad answer)- but it made me think about how sometimes we take our family's delight in us for granted. Or maybe we are so used to it that we don't recognize it anymore. Perhaps this is something that friendships can kindle in you- a renewed sense of being delighted it- a different perspective. All your jokes are new to a new friend. : )

So there ya go- enjoy your friendships - appreciate the delight- and... I'm going to go fix lunch while the baby's sleeping. : )