long day, looong day

It's been a long day. One of those days that now that I'm at the end of it, I may not have the energy to recount it. But I'll try for you 4 people.

This morning I started out with a nice fight with the hubby, typical communication fiasco that took all day to work out (mostly because we weren't in the same room alone until about 930 at night. That was a good starter. Then I drove in traffic (already late bc of argument- and without coffee) until I got to my Grandmother's house in time to take her to her first of 2 appointments. Then we went to lunch (where hubby and baby joined us)- finding lunch was difficult, but Jason talked me to the location when my GPS didn't help. Jason also told me about someone very special from the church who had died. After I hung up my cell phone, relieved I found the place, Grandmother looks at me and says "I guess if I wanted to talk to you I should get my phone and call you." Wow. This is the sweetest, most polite woman in the world- and she just made the snarkiest comment ever. I have been angry with her maybe 2 or 3 times in my entire life- today was definitely one of them. I said clearly to her that Jason was coming to lunch and was just helping me find my way. She didn't seem to register that until later. I've thought about that comment, and my explanation is that her alzheimer's has lowered her filter- and so yea.

Then there's the second appointment- we go to the geriatric specialist and the basic gist is that Grandmother is 82 lbs and her blood pressure is low and her heartbeat can sometimes be irregular. She's always been tiny, etc- but I couldn't help but feel like a failure- like somehow I was responsible. And of course it confronted me with the fact that she's aging, her body is slowly dying. She's not actively dying- but she's not running anywhere. It was sort of sobering. She doesn't recognize it- doesn't understand why she needs to rest when she walks. The doctors don't ever say it- but basically all these are symptoms of end-of-life age. It doesn't mean she'll die in a year or that she'll live to 95 like her mother- but Grandmother is old. I think I actually realized that today. She'll be 88 in August. She's doing so well for her age that I think I forget that she's not 65. So does she.

Ugh. So then to fast-forward, go home- eat dinner with Amanda and family (which was awesome bc her Mom cooked for us and that was kind of what I needed), go home to put Hunter to bed who cries for 15 minutes again, finish argument with hubby in a finally productive way, and stay up way too late to write this blog so that I can get up at 6am and exercise.

Can I get a day that is long on peace and short on heartache?