Movies with Mama

I really thought I posted yeterday- oops. Right now Hunter is napping, Jason is doing a funeral and I'm blogging. I may have the best deal.

Today I did a very "Stay at home mom" thing and saw all the other SAHM's and realized that it's kind of a lonely and weird group. That's not really what I want to talk about- but it just sort of presented itself to me. There's this event that is sort of maybe or maybe not going to continue since the movie theatre changed companies- but they do Mothers at the Movies once a month - where they show a current movie and make sure the lights aren't totally out and the sound isn't totally blaring. And the kids just run around. It's not advertised - but people just find out about it. Today the movie was Killers- which was a little violent for my almost 2 year old- but I was assuming there would be other 2 year olds to distract him. Instead it was mostly infants with a couple of cute tiny 1 yr old girls who don't run. SO- it was cool- but a little weird. Not heavily attended which made it feel like a best-kept secret, but also really just made it more like me taking Hunter to go see a movie and not having to worry when he said "Truck! Cars! Copter! Uh-oh!" and a variety of other appropriate comments for a romantic-comedy shoot-em-up movie. The movie itself was cute- worth renting maybe, not hugely in depth or anything but entertaining. Hunter was cuter with his excitement during the car chases and just general sweet behavior...

But the stay at home mom thing. Basically it was a bunch of moms and infants each sitting with perhaps one other person- or alone with their child, and attempting to view a movie if their child let them. This I get- babies rule- there isn't really any way around it- but it just kind of reminded me of that, how we as mothers learn to just let whatever it is that we're doing (eating, whatever) go and do what the baby needs. This often results in walking away and going someplace quiet or at least abandoned. On the one hand- it's nice to get some quiet places- and in that stage of motherhood- necessary for both the mom and baby. On the other hand, we get really used to giving up everything, tending to baby and being by ourselves in the process. That sucks after a while- but some moms get used to it... maybe this is the path that leads to the mom that lives vicariously through her child and cannot really do or talk about anything else.

Then there's the flip of that coin- the moms who cannot be bothered or focus so hard on being still "woman" that they give up time or ignore needs of the child.

I want a happy medium where I can be myself, enjoy myself- but also enjoy my child and know that without him my life really would look completely different - and that's a good thing!

I'm kind of rambling. Got a lot of junk in my head that's not clear enough to write yet, and so I find myself writing about random stuff like the happy medium between career mom and career working woman...

I'm not sure what is really trying to percolate in my head (I love the word percolate)... I'm sure it's still the words in letters from generations before me, my Grandmother grinning as a 7 year old and my keen awareness of our humanity as I watch how people treat each other. I've become sensitive in my old age. Or something. Jason and I watched a little Sarah Silverman the other day and her shtick is that she's this precious looking sweet face who spouts things that are just SO wrong. I think she is funny, but something is keeping me from laughing now- like- I can't handle some of it anymore because I'm knee deep in human stories.

There is one more thing - I still haven't gotten the appraiser's report... and it's starting to feel like the next Harry Potter movie... I really don't know how much longer I can wait.