Hunter is napping, people are cleaning, I am... waiting

Yes. I am writing my blog while waiting for an epiphany. Last night I had some ideas and went to search on some sites for some things for some time. Now I'm some kind of tired.

Let's just put it out there- I'm not a high energy gal. So naturally, I tend to underestimate myself and/or not go for the stars if you will. So last night I decided to shoot at least for a high flying kite. I put some bait out there, and we'll see what happens. In the meantime- just having made up a plan is helpful. It doesn't necessarily have to work or require a lot of execution- but it's keeping me sane. I also am acting less grr towards Jason. I'll let you know how it goes.

I will admit that right now there are people cleaning my house. People I am paying to clean while I sit on my ass and write a blog. This still stings my soul a little bit to admit. But I will make my defense: it is my therapy. It's cheaper and saves a lot of trauma. So there. I'm acting like a spoiled brat who pays for someone to clean when she is looking for supplementary jobs so that she can keep up this standard of living. I mean seriously- who am I? But there you go- I gave my defense.

And poor Bruno is outside in the 100 degree heat (he does have the shed he can lie in) because I don't want him attacking the cleaning ladies. Not that he would. But Bruno's presence is not conducive to cleanliness. Ever.

And so Jessa told me a friend of hers was reading my blog because he's bored at work (ahem- hey there) and I'm strangely honored but also a little concerned about what I'm putting out there for the world to see. Not that I mind people reading about this- but more along the lines of- do people really connect with this and/or care? In this case- a recent college grad- male. Probably doesn't so much relate to PMS. (thank your lucky stars buddy) However- it did make me think about the fact that I did want this to be a two-part challenge. The 1st part being to work through my grief and daily ups and downs after a crazy fall, the 2nd part- to work on the craft/art/method- (how do you say that without sounding so pretentious?) of writing.

So I think part 1 has been a roaring success- I certainly have processed out loud lots of nicely hard things, and joyous things. Part 2 I am totally denying. Am I just too afraid to put myself out there? Am I afraid of sounding too "writer" ish? You know the type- those blogs that wax eloquent every day or at least often enough. It's a little obnoxious. Like, really, no one can pull that much polished profundity out their ass daily. (I will say, that last sentence just tickled my heart. : ))

SOOOO- I guess I need to step it up. Any requests? How shall I exercise my "writing" muscles? I'm not great at fiction but I can play with it. I can delve into theology and see how many people I offend. I can have a 5 second "deep thoughts" corner in which I put polished profundity. (Is profundity a word? I think so.) I can practice grammar in sentences. hmmm. Anyone? Suggestions? Ideas?