Sunday Morning

I sent Hunter with my Mom to church (she's teaching Sunday School) so he can go to childcare and we can get ready for "big church." Another day with the family in veiled anxiety. No real source but trying to read and respond to everyone's emotions. I made a snarky remark to my Dad this morning when Grandmother asked if he slept well and he replied that he did- then he failed to reciprocate with some inquiry into her night's sleep- which I pointed out. I don't think Dad appreciated that. I wouldn't have either, but it seems I'm on the super defense for Grandmother- even though I'm complaining and frustrated about her. Whatever. I make no sense.

So right now I'm thinking very seriously about showering, and sort of dreading going to church. It's the last Sunday for the pastor that has been at my home church for a long time, and in ministry for over 60 years. He is a good man, but there are a handful of reasons why he frustrates the bejeesus out of me. (just felt like including that fun word, bejeesus) SO at this "last Sunday" when tears and platitudes will abound, I will be standing in some corner with my snarky attitude trying to bite my lip. I won't embarrass anyone, I'll just fester a little.

You know, I was never good at sucking up. I don't know quite what bothers me most about it- but false praise has always gotten me itchy. I wasn't the teacher's pet unless it was a really good teacher. I guess I feel it takes away from true and genuine praise that is due to true and genuine people. The part that is most annoying is that those who are true and genuine don't seek praise, therefore often don't get it, and the jerks that thrive on platitudes get it through fake smiles all day long. But- I will say- that's not always true. Good people get praise, jerks can tell if it's fake and some people really like the jerks (which is the pinnacle of annoying). Oh lord- I am so raving bitterness today. I need to go get ready for church- and try to be good and genuine. and not bitter. : )

ok bye.